Benjamin Otu EffiwattYou know the articles and podcasts I’m talking about — the ones with clickbait titles like “5 Surefire Ways to Get Your Ex to Beg You for Forgiveness.”
If you’ve ever tried to break up with a narcissist, you’ve probably seen plenty of advice telling you to just say the magic words that will trigger an explosion of panic and hysterical emotion, causing them to desperately beg from the bottom of their heart.
You know what none of those articles tell you?
Leaving a narcissist calmly = the narcissist leaves you.
MAKING A NARCISSIST LEAVE YOU WITHOUT PANIC
The problem with those tactics is that they might work on a regular person. Say what you want about narcissists, but they’re not regular. (If you’re curious about narcissists and how their brains work, check out this popular article on narcissistic abuse.)
When you try to strong-arm a narcissist into caring about you again using manipulative tactics borrowed from internet commentators, they see right through it. Because guess what they care about? Manipulation.
You have to change the game.
But how do you make a narcissist leave you without him flipping out?
Short answer: You make him lose interest.
How do you make a narcissist lose interest? By stopping giving them what they want.
Does that sound easy? It’s not.
But it can be done. And if you understand the why behind the tactics, you’ll be more likely to stay consistent when it gets difficult.
So without further ado, here’s the real guide on how to get your ex-boyfriend to leave you alone forever.
Why Your Narcissistic Partner Won’t Leave You Even If You Beg Them To
If your partner is narcissistic, there’s a good chance you’ve tried everything in the book to get them to leave you.
You’ve begged. You’ve pleaded. You’ve screamed at them.
You’ve probably cried plenty of tears over the situation, too.
So why won’t they leave?
Simple: They love the supply.
Alright, “love” is a strong word. Narcissists don’t love you the way other people love their partners. They get something called supply.
Supply is everything they extract from you that validates their superiority: attention, admiration, validation, and emotional reactions.
Everything you do or say that causes them to feel something is supply. Screaming at them? Supply.
Posting memes on social media about how you hate them? Supply.
Buying them gifts and apologizing? Supply.
As long as you give them supply, they have no reason to leave.
If your partner is consistently emotionally, verbally, and/or physically abusing you and you’re trying to figure out how to get him to leave you alone, it all comes down to this: Stop giving them what they want.
Stop Giving Attention and Emotional Reactions
Alright, let’s get into the nitty-gritty of how to get your ex-boyfriend to leave you alone forever.
The absolute most important thing you can do is stop giving them attention — any attention.
I know, I know, that sounds impossible.
Especially if you live with them or have children together. Or even if you don’t.
Here’s the thing: narcissists thrive on your reactions.
Do you know why every time you try to break up with them they scream at you for hours and then sob about how you don’t love them?
Because you’re feeding them reactions.
Sure, they’re negative reactions. But that doesn’t change the fact that they’re reactions.
The key is to not react at all.
Use what’s called “the grey rock method.”
Basically, every time they try to engage with you, respond with short, simple answers.
“Sure.”
“Okay.”
“I hear you.”
Don’t smile when you say it. Don’t roll your eyes. Just say it.
It sounds silly, but believe me — if you stick with it, they’ll notice.
Withhold Admiration
Another big thing they love? Having you admire them.
That means compliments, laughing at jokes you think are hilarious but everyone else finds dull, and asking their opinion on every little thing.
But it ends now.
Start ignoring their jokes. When they do something vaguely impressive, don’t congratulate them.
You don’t even have to punish them by withholding praise when they do something legitimately impressive — just don’t give them any more than you already do.
It’ll frustrate them to no end.
Create Distance
Narcissists love to control their partners.
They love knowing where you are, what you’re doing, who you’re texting, and who you’re spending your time with.
That’s why they fly off the handle when you start spending more time with your friends or family.
You’re suddenly a mystery to them.
Make it a point to distance yourself from them — mentally and physically.
Spend more time with your family and friends.
Pick up a hobby again.
Don’t feel obligated to tell them everything that’s going on in your life. You’re allowed to have privacy.
They’ll Panic… Then They’ll Leave
So let’s talk about why all of this works.
Narcissists need their supply.
They need constant admiration, emotional reactions, and access to you.
If you take all of that away suddenly, they will panic.
They may even threaten you or try to manipulate you back into giving them what they want.
But if you stick to your guns, they will find someone else to fill their void — someone who will give them what they’re looking for.
Stop Explaining Yourself
This one is hard for a lot of people to hear.
You know how every time you try to have a calm, rational conversation with your narcissistic partner, they turn it into World War III?
It’s because explaining yourself and trying to reason with a narcissist is giving them what they want: control.
Stop talking so much.
I can’t stress this enough.
As soon as you stop throwing fuel on the fire, your narcissistic partner will feel things shifting.
They hate when you don’t play the game they want you to. That’s exactly why you should stop.
Set Boundaries… Then Follow Through With Them
Boundaries with narcissists don’t work the way you’d think they would.
In a healthy relationship, if you set a boundary, your partner will respect it.
But narcissists hate boundaries.
They will test yours over and over until you give in.
But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t set them.
When you set a boundary and actually enforce it, you are changing the relationship dynamic.
Yes, they’ll probably test it — maybe even daily at first.
But as long as you don’t back down, they will eventually leave you alone.
Do Not Warn Them of Changes You Plan on Making
Do not tell them about this article.
You know how I said earlier that all of this works because your narcissistic partner doesn’t know what hit them?
If you send them a text that says, “Hey, I just read this awesome article about narcissists and how to make them leave you. I’m going to try stuff from it and you’re going to hate it” — you’ve robbed yourself of all the benefits this advice has to offer.
Everything mentioned above works because your narcissistic partner doesn’t know you’re trying to get them to leave you alone.
Ask for Help
Leaving a narcissist can be really difficult.
Even once they’re gone, you might still have a hard time healing from the relationship.
That’s why it’s so important that you seek help while you’re going through it.
A therapist — bonus points if they’re familiar with narcissistic abuse — can help you process your thoughts and emotions in a healthy way.
Journaling is also an amazing tool for processing your emotions. Buy a notebook and start writing.
Lean on your friends and family. Spend more time with people who care about you.
You don’t have to do this alone.
Conclusion
Remember: the best way to get your ex-boyfriend to leave you alone forever is to not give him anything he wants.
Stop giving them emotional reactions.
Stop praising them for everything.
Create physical and mental distance between the two of you.
And, perhaps most importantly, don’t tip them off that you’re trying to move on.
It’s going to be okay.
I promise.
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