Benjamin Otu EffiwattThere’s nothing quite like investing in someone you care about only to be met with complete radio silence. You show up. You say something meaningful. You connect. And for some reason, he still treats your words like water off a duck’s back.
Sound familiar? I’ve been there. And trust me when I say, it hurts.
If you’re trying to figure out how to make him take you seriously but don’t know where to start, I’m here to tell you that you’re not going to have to shout him down. At least, not literally.
Instead, you’re going to learn how to show up clear and consistent in both your words AND your actions. When you do that, there is no way he will ignore you.
Let’s do this.
Why He Might Not Be Taking You Seriously
The first step in changing a dynamic is understanding what the current dynamic is. A lot of women jump straight into thinking their boyfriend, husband, or friend doesn’t care about them when he fails to meet their needs.
This is not always the case.
Often, it comes down to a series of unnoticed patterns you both fall into over time.
Perhaps you’ve allowed him to get away with brushing you off in the past, so now he assumes it’s okay to do so. Perhaps you say you want certain things from him but your actions show that you don’t actually want them. Perhaps you ask nicely instead of expecting good behavior from him.
These things do not make you a crappy person — just human. Just someone with areas for improvement.
Men are simple when it comes to relationships. If what you say matches how you feel and how you behave, there is no way for them to ignore the truth. Your words will fail you every time if your actions and emotions are contradicting them.
Start by becoming clear on what you want.
Know What You Want
You cannot expect someone else to meet your needs if you can’t even identify them yourself. Seriously. Start here.
So many women walk into a conversation with their man confused about what it is they actually want from him. They bombard him with generic complaints — “I just feel like you don’t care about me” — without attaching any actual requests to them. He doesn’t know how to receive that. And because he doesn’t know how to receive it, he does nothing. And you’re right back where you started.
Be specific.
Instead of saying “Ugh, I feel like you never prioritize our relationship,” try “I would like it if we could spend one night a week together with no distractions.” One of these statements is a complaint. One of them is a request. People can act on requests.
Spend some time sitting with yourself and really figuring out what you want from him. What would it look like if he took you seriously? Got it? Good. Now communicate it.
Raise Your Standards, Then Actually Enforce Them
Okay, so this is the biggie. We all know we need to do this, but lordy, it is hard.
I want to reframe how we think about standards. Standards are not ultimatums. They are not games. Standards are the quiet but firm boundaries you set for how you will and will not be treated.
If you tell him you will not keep making last-minute plans with him, only to agree to his requests day after day, that is not a standard. That is a suggestion.
And men are smart. He will not maliciously hold this against you, but what he will learn is that your words don’t mean much.
How to Make Him Take You Seriously
The hard truth about this is that enforcing your standards requires action on your part — every time. This isn’t about hurting his feelings. It’s about proving to both of you that your words have meaning behind them.
If you tell him you need more communication and he goes MIA for a week, don’t beg for his attention. Withdraw yours. If you tell him you will not allow him to speak to you disrespectfully and he does it anyway, remove yourself from the situation. No drama, but no cuddling up next to him when he apologizes later either. Walk away, and come back when the time is right.
You’re not playing games with him. You are practicing integrity with yourself, and that, my friends, takes time.
Eventually — and it will take time — he will come to learn that when you speak, there are consequences. People listen when things matter.
Stop Explaining Yourself
Want to know one of the most common things women do that ensures people don’t take them seriously? Explaining every single decision they make.
We apologize before we even say how we feel. We qualify our requests ten different ways. We never give a solid answer because we’re afraid someone will shoot it down.
Stop doing this to yourself. You do not need to write him an essay about why you feel the way you feel.
“I’m not comfortable with that.” Complete thought.
“I need more time before I’m ready.” Full stop.
“That doesn’t work for me.” Enough said.
Men respect confidence. When you learn how to ask for what you want without apologizing for your desires, you will instantly become more attractive to him.
Practice this. Next time you catch yourself over-explaining, stop after sentence one or two. Feel how empowering it is not to lay out every detail. Watch how he reacts when you stand firm in your requests. Trust me, you might be surprised.
Lead With Your Actions
Words are great, don’t get me wrong. But if you’re telling him all this stuff about how you want to be treated and your actions say otherwise, you’re shooting yourself in the foot.
Leading with your actions means showing up as the same person every day of the week. It means if you say you’ll do something, you do it. It means your moods aren’t so erratic that he no longer knows what to expect from you.
Consistency is not about pushing your feelings aside. It’s about dealing with them in a healthy way. You can be upset and still maintain consistency. You can be vulnerable and stable at the same time. In fact, that kind of congruency is downright compelling.
Have a Life Outside of Your Relationship
I cannot stress this enough. Nothing signals neediness faster than leaning into your partner like a crutch.
Your boyfriend is not your best friend, your mom, and your book club all rolled into one. You have to have a life outside of him.
Stop letting your entire world hinge on whether or not he texted you back. Stop planning your life around his schedule. Stop letting his mood be the thing that dictates how you feel about yourself.
You are a full human being with or without him, so act like it.
The most attractive and respected version of you is one who has a life — friends that fulfill you, hobbies that excite you, goals that you are actively pursuing. Not to impress your man, but because a healthy life equals a happy life. Period.
Speak From a Place of Calm Confidence
How you say something is just as important as what you say. If you approach your partner about something that matters to you while crying hysterically, he’s not going to hear you no matter how reasonable your words may be.
I’m not saying you should never cry in front of your man — of course not. But when it comes time to have the big conversations, the ones where you need him to truly hear and understand you, choose your timing wisely.
Speak to him calmly and assertively. You are an adult. You do not need to raise your voice or sob uncontrollably to be heard. “I have something important to talk to you about and I need you to really listen” sounds a lot better than “You never listen to me!”
Know When to Leave
This should go without saying, but if he still does not take you seriously after you’ve communicated clearly, held your standards, and remained consistent, you may need to actually leave.
I know, I know. We tend to think leaving equals giving up. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
When you know you can walk away from the relationship if things don’t improve, you will never come across as needy or desperate. People can sense that kind of stability, and it automatically commands a different kind of respect.
You’ve done everything you can to show up strong and grounded. If he still doesn’t take you seriously, then honey, he simply doesn’t want to.
Conclusion
Figuring out how to make him take you seriously starts with respecting yourself first. The clearer you become on your worth, the more consistent you are in your words and actions, the less room there is for someone to dismiss you.
You’re not asking for much. You’re simply asking to be heard. To be respected. To be valued.
Is that too much to ask for? I think not. You deserve at least that.
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