Benjamin Otu EffiwattWe never know when life is going to hit us hard. One day you’re sailing along, and then suddenly you lose your job, lose a relationship, get sick, or are just straight up thrown into uncertainty. I’ve been there too, friend. I’ve sat in my apartment and stared at the ceiling wondering if things were ever going to get better again.
But over the years, I’ve come to realize that learning how to stay strong when life gets hard is a skill you can master. Not the kind of strength where you put on a brave face and pretend like everything is okay — but real strength. Strength that comes from learning the tools, mindset, and daily habits that will pull you through no matter what life throws your way.
WHAT DOES IT EVEN MEAN TO BE STRONG ANYWAY?
I think most of us associate being strong with never letting ourselves cry, never asking for help, and somehow just “powering through” no matter what. But if you ask me, that’s the opposite of strength.
REAL strength is showing up for yourself even when you don’t want to. It’s allowing yourself to feel the pain without drowning in it. It’s asking for help when you need it. It’s setting boundaries. It’s showing up for others even when you’re struggling yourself. It’s powering through on the days you don’t want to.
Strength isn’t about ignoring your fears and hurts. It’s about marching forward in spite of them.
The cool thing is YOU CAN BUILD THIS KIND OF STRENGTH. It’s not something you either have or you don’t. Think of it like a muscle. The more you exercise it, the stronger it gets.
WHY DO HARD TIMES ALWAYS FEEL SO HARD?
Before we dive into the how, let’s spend a minute on the why. Why do hard times always seem to beat us down so much? Why is every single thing harder when you’re going through a painful season?
The reason our minds and bodies feel overwhelmed during times of stress is because they actually are. Biologically speaking, your brain experiences emotional pain the same way your body experiences physical pain. Your nervous system kicks into survival mode. Your sleep gets messed up. Your thoughts chase themselves in circles. Everything just feels HARDER.
And that’s okay. That doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.
The problem is, most of us try to push through hard times by bottling up our emotions, which only increases the pressure. Or we retreat from others so we don’t burden them, which only fuels our loneliness. When you understand why tough times feel so impossibly hard, you can learn how to navigate them in a healthier way.
HOW TO STAY STRONG AND SURVIVE HARD TIMES: 10 TIPS THAT WILL ACTUALLY HELP
1.Allow Yourself To Feel Without Drowning In It
Alright, this is what I tell myself every time life knocks me down: “Feel it, Karen, but don’t feed it.” You can feel your feelings. You can be sad. You can be angry. You can be scared, disappointed, or devastated. You do not, however, have to live there.
Allow yourself some time and space to feel whatever it is you’re feeling, but don’t punish yourself by staying there. Cry if you need to cry. Journal your emotions. Sit in your sadness instead of avoiding it. But then — and this is the important part — choose to redirect your thoughts when you’re ready.
Emotions you process move through you much quicker than the ones you suppress.
2.Focus On What You Can Control
It’s easy to feel beaten down during hard times because, literally, nothing feels like it’s in your control. You can’t control other people, unexpected life events, or how long your hard season will last.
But you can control how you respond. You can control whether you get out of bed. You can control whether you eat something healthy. You can control whether you take a quick walk or call a friend. You can control your daily choices.
As cliché as it sounds, you are always stronger than you think you are. So show up for yourself, one small choice at a time.
3.Create Some Type Of Routine
Even if it’s hard, push yourself to maintain some kind of routine. When I’ve gone through tough seasons in the past, I always remind myself that routine is comforting when nothing else makes sense. Wake up at the same time each day. Have a morning routine. Set an intention for your day.
You don’t have to build an intricate schedule, but having some level of consistent routine will help you feel grounded when everything else is falling apart.
4.Reaching Out Is Allowed
When you’re going through a hard time, it’s so easy to fall into the trap of isolating yourself from others. You don’t want to burden anyone with your problems. You tell yourself no one will understand how you’re feeling. You think you’ll be okay on your own.
Guess what? You’re not.
Isolation is often our first instinct when we’re suffering, but reaching out to others is one of the best tools we have for getting through a hard time. You don’t have to turn to everyone for support. You don’t even have to talk about what you’re going through. But allowing one other person to know what you’re experiencing can help you feel less alone. Promise.
5.Protect Your Mental Space
One of the last things you need when you’re feeling down is to constantly be scrolling on social media, watching the news, or spending time with negative people. Be mindful of what you’re putting into your brain. Just like you eat nutritious foods to benefit your body, you need to feed your mind with things that uplift you and don’t deplete you.
Limit time spent scrolling. News ALERT: the world will NOT end if you take a break from social media. Conversations that drain you? Say goodbye for now. Focus on people and content that builds you back up.
6.Remember This Is Not Permanent
Trust me on this — tough times can feel like they will last FOREVER. When you’re in the thick of things, it can be hard to imagine life ever looking any different than it does that day. But it will.
I like to remind myself of other difficult situations I’ve pushed through in the past. It could be losing a past relationship that you thought “would be forever,” or looking back on a past job that you thought you’d have forever but didn’t. These past hardships are proof that you’ve made it through hard times before, and this will be no different. Remember, this season is not permanent.
7.There Is ALWAYS Something To Learn
Okay, hear me out on this tip. I don’t want you to think you have to slap a positive spin on pain and pretend everything happens for a reason. That’s not what I’m talking about at all. But what I AM saying is that once you learn to ride out the storm of your emotions, there is usually something you can learn from the situation you faced.
Maybe it’s a new perspective. Maybe you realize how strong you actually are. Maybe it taught you about who was really there for you, or helped you figure out what you want in life.
Whatever it is, don’t FORCE yourself to see a lesson. But once you’re feeling more centered, allow yourself to look for the lessons that will ultimately help you grow from this experience.
8.Take Care Of Your Physical Body
You know how when your body is tired, it’s harder to feel positive? Well, the opposite is true too. When you’re feeling good about yourself and taking care of your body, it’s easier to weather the hard times.
Sleep. Eat real food. Move your body, even if it’s just a short walk each day. Exercise is not just good for your physical health, but for your mental health as well. Do small things each day that support your physical body. You’ll be amazed at how much of a difference it makes.
9.Acknowledge Your Small Victories
Surviving one more day is a victory. Getting out of bed takes courage on some days. Calling that person instead of sending the angry text? Victorious. Finishing that task you kept pushing to the side? Winning.
It’s easy to celebrate the big wins in life, but during tough seasons, we have to acknowledge the small ones too. Your small victories are what will carry you through until you’re ready to celebrate the big ones again.
10.If All Else Fails, Talk To A Professional
Please, please, please hear me out on this one. If you’re at your wit’s end and have tried each of these things but nothing is working — talk to someone. Talk to a therapist. Talk to a mental health expert. Talk to a professional who can help guide you through this time.
You are not weak for seeking professional support. In fact, I’d argue it takes great strength to know when you need help and to reach out to someone who can provide more personalized support than your friends and family can.
PREPARE FOR THE NEXT HARD THING BY BUILDING YOUR RESILIENCE NOW
Here’s the thing about learning how to stay strong when life gets hard — it’s much easier if you have already practiced your strength skills during good times. That’s why it’s important to lean into habits like meditation, journaling, gratitude, daily exercise, and deep connection with others even when you aren’t in a dark place. That way, when life does kick you hard, you’ll have a reserve of healthy habits and skills you can draw from.
Building your strength when life is good comes down to one thing: consistency. You build strength by showing up for yourself over and over again. When you eat healthy foods most, but not all, of the time. When you meditate four days a week but not seven. When you speak positively about yourself most days, but some days aren’t so great.
None of us are perfect at showing up for ourselves 100% of the time. But if you can strive to do better each and every day, you’ll never run out of strength when you need it most.
THE BOTTOM LINE
I wish I could say that tough times don’t happen. But if you’re alive, you will go through hardships. They’re part of life. But how you face them will change everything.
You are stronger than you realize. You have made it through hard seasons before, whether you recognize it or not. And you can absolutely do it again. One hour at a time. One day at a time. One choice at a time.
Just keep showing up and remind yourself that you are stronger than your struggles.
You’ve got this.
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