Benjamin Otu EffiwattLeaving a toxic relationship is courageous. You know that too. You survived something that may have drained you emotionally, physically, mentally, and possibly spiritually. Every day that you got through, knowing something had to change, was a testament to your inner strength.
So now it’s time to take care of YOU. I spent months researching self-care tips for women after a toxic relationship. Many of my favorite blogs only had 3–5 tips at best. When I left my ex, I wanted more. I needed more. So I dug deeper.
Please note that none of these tips are quick fixes. Healing from any relationship takes time. Some days you will feel great; other days you will wonder who you are again. There will be moments where you forget your phone or scroll right past his social media without a second thought. This is NORMAL.
FIRST … Give Yourself Permission
Not to do any of these things. You don’t have to read this guide if you don’t want to. You don’t need to take huge action steps tomorrow if you’re not ready.
Feel whatever you’re feeling.
Sadness, anger, shame, guilt, confusion.
You name it. You can feel it.
There is no timeline for healing from a toxic relationship, and you are allowed to take the time you need to process everything that happened.
10 Actionable Self-Care Tips After Being in a Toxic Relationship
#1: CUT OFF ALL CONTACT
As hard as this will be, you need to cut off all contact with your ex.
Unfollow them on social media, delete their number, and tell your friends to no longer pass along updates about them.
Blocking or otherwise distancing yourself from your ex is the single most important step you can take when it comes to moving on after any relationship.
Every time you look at their profile, read an old text message, or talk about them with your friends, you’re choosing to reopen the wound over and over again.
You cannot heal if you never allow yourself the space and time to breathe.
Blocking them on social media and cutting off all contact doesn’t mean you’ll never forgive them or that you won’t ever speak to them again. But you do need time and space away from them to begin healing from the relationship.
#2: RECLAIM YOUR ROUTINE
When you’re in a relationship with someone who drains your energy, it’s common to lose your routine.
You spent all your time, energy, and attention focusing on your partner — whether that meant worrying about their mood, walking on eggshells, or simply getting through the basics day after day.
You had zero time to focus on YOU.
Start focusing on creating a normal routine again. Wake up at the same time every morning. Eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Build a morning routine that you enjoy.
Having a solid, consistent routine will help you feel more grounded.
#3: SEE A THERAPIST
Get therapy.
Find someone who specializes in trauma or relationships if you can. Therapy is a wonderful resource to have while you learn how to heal after a toxic relationship.
I promise you, therapy is not one of those self-care tips you can skip. You need someone who is objective, neutral, and most of all unbiased to help you unpack everything that went on within your relationship.
The right therapist can help you identify red flags you might have ignored. They can help you work through grief and loss. They can help you understand why you stayed for so long.
There is no judgment. Only healing.
If you’re worried about cost, reach out to your local community health services or look for online therapy options with sliding-scale fees.
#4: GET MOVING AGAIN
Stress and trauma live in your body.
Many people who have been in draining relationships report feeling numb — out of it, as if they’re floating through life and watching it happen to someone else.
Your body knew something was wrong long before your mind did, which is why it’s important to reconnect with yourself through movement.
Take a walk around your neighborhood. Join a yoga class. Dance to your favorite songs by yourself in your kitchen.
Movement is your friend and a great way to practice self-care for anxiety.
#5: TAKE STOCK OF YOUR SOCIAL CIRCLE
While some of your friends may have been wonderful sources of support during your relationship, others may not have been as helpful.
Maybe certain friends enabled your partner’s behavior. Maybe they told you everything would be fine even when you knew it wasn’t. Maybe they just don’t know how to support you through something like this.
Look at your current friendships and take note of who makes you feel safe, who makes you feel seen, and who leaves you feeling more drained after you spend time with them.
You don’t have to cut these people out of your life immediately. But you may find that you naturally start to invest more time in the friendships that fill you up instead of draining you even more.
#6: BE KIND TO YOURSELF
I know you spent a long time beating yourself up about every little thing that went wrong in your relationship. You probably spent more time blaming yourself than you care to admit.
You were raised to be tough on yourself. Other people were tough on you. And now that you’re in a position to choose yourself, you’re probably still stuck in that pattern of accepting harsh treatment.
Stop.
You are allowed to practice radical self-care by being kind to yourself. You are allowed to affirm your worth, even if you don’t fully believe it yet.
How you talk to yourself going forward will play a key role in your healing process.
#7: RECLAIM THE THINGS YOU LOVE
Remember when you used to love to paint? Or spend hours reading a good book? What about that podcast you listened to on long walks?
Toxic relationships will suck the life out of you. They’ll make you question every part of your identity until you don’t even know who you are anymore.
It’s time to remember.
What are the things you loved to do? Start doing them again, even if they feel strange at first.
#8: SET BOUNDARIES
Boundaries were likely not respected during your relationship.
You spent a long time allowing your ex to overstep your limits — whether through yelling, emotional blackmail, or guilt trips.
Now, you get to practice setting boundaries with people who WILL respect them.
Try starting small by telling a friend you can’t talk right now, or declining a social invite because you simply don’t feel like going.
Each time you honor your own boundaries, you’re telling yourself: YOU MATTER.
#9: DON’T RUSH INTO ANYTHING NEW
This is probably the hardest piece of advice in this entire guide.
After what you’ve been through, it’s only natural to want to rush into something — or someone — new.
Maybe you’ll jump right into another relationship to fill the void your ex left behind. Maybe you’ll throw yourself into work so you don’t have to feel anything at all.
Allow yourself to be single for as long as you need to be.
Give yourself the gift of alone time before you even think about dating again. You deserve to know yourself fully before inviting someone else in.
#10: CELEBRATE YOUR SMALL VICTORIES
Not every moment of healing is going to feel like a milestone.
There will be days you log off social media just to binge-watch cheesy TV shows. Other days you’ll find comfort in your favorite food and that’s okay too.
But there will be small moments that remind you of how far you’ve come.
Making it through the week without crying. Going out with friends and actually laughing. Not thinking about them for an entire day.
These are the moments worth celebrating. You survived something that was toxic for you, and that takes time, effort, and serious strength.
Every step forward is a win, no matter how small it may seem.
Conclusion
Healing after a toxic relationship is not a straight road, and it was never meant to be. There will be setbacks, confusing days, and moments where the progress feels invisible. But it’s happening, even when you can’t see it.
The tips in this guide are not a formula. They’re an invitation — to be gentler with yourself, to reconnect with who you are, and to slowly build a life that actually feels like yours again.
You did the hardest thing by leaving. Now give yourself the same level of commitment to healing. You have survived the worst of it. Everything from here is you choosing yourself, one day at a time, and that is something worth being proud of.
You’ve got this.
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