Benjamin Otu EffiwattOk. Let’s keep this real. We’ve all done it. You match with some hottie or happen to run into that attractive person from your PGMC class and next thing you know you’re solidly in your talking stage — texting daily, going on “dates,” laughing so hard you can barely breathe, and developing feelings you weren’t totally ready for. You think to yourself, “this is it. This is something real.” Fast forward a few weeks, maybe a few months, and poof… Nothing has happened. No labels. No defined relationship.
You’ve been hanging out for what feels like forever, but you went from 0-100 real quick with no destination in sight. Welcome to the talking stage segueing so effortlessly into a situationship. Before you become full-on joined at the hip with someone who’s giving you ZERO fucks, let me help you identify if you’re in one before you fall any deeper.
WHAT EVEN IS THE DIFFERENCE ANYWAY?!
Ok. Bear with me. Before I go any further, let’s define these two terms so we’re actually talking about the same thing. By “talking stage” I mean that time where two people are just getting to know each other and “seeing where things go.” It should feel like there’s some sort of natural progression. Ideally, you go from texting to phone calls, to dates, and before you know it you’re asking the person how they feel about everything. Something is building.
On the complete other hand, a situationship is like that boring cousin of a relationship that nobody wants to invite to family functions. It’s when you and another person are doing stuff that feels like a relationship. You text. You hang out. Maybe you even have some sort of physical connection. But nothing is official, and there are no promises or expectations. Both people know this, but no one wants to be the one to voice it… so you just continue dating while capturing every adorable moment on Snapchat.
The difference between the two is practically nonexistent. One day you’re casually texting a cute person, and slowly but surely you find yourself three months in, wondering why you haven’t even had “the talk.”
Signs You’ve Got Yourself a SITUATIONSHIP
1.Months Have Passed With No Progression
Even a casual friendship should have some sort of direction. If you look back and realize it’s been two or three months of you and this person doing the exact same things with ZERO progression, red flags should’ve started flying a long time ago. Time continues to move forward — but your situationship will not.
2.You Feel Nervous Even Asking “What Are We?”
Ok, be honest with yourself. If your best friend right now asked you to describe your relationship with this person, could you give them a clear explanation without feeling that slight pit in your stomach? If you can’t comfortably explain your current situation to your best friend, then something isn’t clicking. Your mind goes blank when trying to define your relationship status because in reality, NOTHING has been defined.
3.They’re Consistent — But Only On Your Terms
This is wild. They text you every day. They listen and remember things you tell them. They pick up whenever you call. But they never reach out to you first. They never plan any outings. Oh, and they’re incredibly inconsistent with everything else they say they’re going to do. insert eye roll emoji here If they give you just enough attention to keep you interested but not enough that you have something concrete to hold on to — you’re in a situationship.
4.No Plans for the Future Are Ever Discussed
Let me repeat. When two people are talking with the potential of something real happening, the future is bound to come up. Whether it’s travel plans, trying new things, or even something as simple as “we should go here” — entering into a discussion about something that will take place after “right now” is completely normal. If every conversation you have is focused on the present, then pay attention. Someone who cares about your future will mention it.
5.You Do Couple Things Without Being a Couple
You cook each other dinner. You watch shows together. You know each other’s families. You comfort each other on bad days. You joke around like any other boyfriend and girlfriend would. Truly, everything you do could be construed as an official relationship if you just put a label on it. But the second you try to discuss “defining it,” they get defensive, say they’re “not ready,” or want to “see how things go.” Girl, bye. If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and refuses to call itself a duck — it’s a situationship.
6.Your Gut Has Been Trying to Tell You This
Your gut instinct is rarely ever wrong. Ever feel that slight sense of dread when they don’t text you back in a reasonable amount of time? Do you find yourself constantly checking Instagram hoping they’ll comment? Do you catch yourself wondering, “what am I to them?” Your gut knows. If you have to constantly reassure yourself that everything is fine between you two, it’s because it’s not.
7.You Share Emotional Intimacy But Stay Surface Level
You two talk all the time. But if you take a step back, you realize they never fully let you in. You know the parts of them that everyone knows — their sense of humor, their everyday routine, what they like and don’t like, what they’re passionate about. But what about the stuff that hurts them? The things they’re struggling with? Their doubts and fears? When you truly care about someone, you let them inside your head. Keeping things surface level is a way for them to stay comfortable with you without fully committing.
8.Asking “Are We Exclusive?” Terrifies You Both
At this point, neither of you has brought it up, and they probably won’t until you do. In fact, you may have even dropped hints and been met with shrugged shoulders and “whatever you feel, babe.” Or maybe you’ve convinced yourself you don’t want to “risk” making things weird. Listen. If you were both seriously talking with the intention of something more, discussing whether to stop seeing other people wouldn’t feel like defusing a bomb. One of you knows exactly what this situation is and is afraid to confirm it.
9.You Find Yourself Reading Into EVERYTHING
Your friends are literally sick of hearing you rant. “What do you think they meant when they said that?” “Could this text mean they want to spend more time with me?” “They liked my photo from three months ago — is that a sign?” When you catch yourself analyzing every little thing this person does or says just to find validation that they want to be with you — you’re in a situationship. Situationships thrive on you reading into every interaction. Why? Because there’s nothing concrete to prove either way, so you create your own facts.
You’re Scared to Even Bring Up “The Talk”
If you had to pick the biggest sign that you’re in a situationship, this would be it. When two people genuinely enjoy each other’s company and see a future together, discussing where they stand doesn’t feel like jumping out of a plane without a parachute. You fear losing them by asking such a simple question. You convince yourself to wait a little longer. You’d rather stay in this weird limbo than lose them entirely. Let me tell you something right now. That fear won’t go away until you accept the reality: they don’t want what you want… and probably haven’t since the beginning.
Why Calling It What It Really Is Matters
Listen. I’m not going to lie to you. You can’t make a decision about something you refuse to accept is happening. The moment you keep telling yourself you’re “just talking” but deep down know you’re in a situationship, you’re setting yourself up. You allow yourself to become more and more invested in someone while they continue doing the same — all without any promises, labels, or expectations. You literally have no power in this situation.
Accepting that you’re in a situationship — even if only to yourself — isn’t pessimistic. It’s the truth. And knowing the truth will allow you to make a decision on how to move forward.
Final Thoughts
Quit waiting for them to bring it up. If you’ve reached the conclusion that what you thought was a solid talking stage has turned into a prime-time situationship, then you deserve to know where you stand. Yes, you. You can absolutely initiate the conversation. Be straightforward. Don’t explode. There’s no need to become harsh or give ultimatums. Just say something as simple as “I like spending time with you and I would love to know how you feel about me.” Simple as that.
Pay more attention to their actions than their words. People who truly want to be with you show you — they don’t have to convince you with a perfect combination of words. Their actions will speak for themselves if they want to build something real with you.
Lastly… know your worth. Situationships only hold power over you when you allow them to. You deserve someone who cares about you just as much as you care about them. Someone who is eager to be with you and wouldn’t think twice about telling you so. Someone who is willing to fight for you because losing you is their biggest fear. Stop settling for situationships and for someone who only makes you feel like you’re enough when they’re around.
Save pin for later
- 10 Self-Care Tips Every Woman Needs After a Toxic Relationship - March 11, 2026
- Top 10 Marriage Quotes - March 11, 2026
- 7 Reasons You Keep Going Back to Toxic Partners - March 11, 2026
