Benjamin Otu EffiwattTrust me, figuring out narcissistic behaviour isn’t always as black-and-white as you might think. In the beginning, it can seem like confidence, charm, or charisma… until you start noticing the signs.
That’s why it’s so important to know the warning signs of a narcissist. To help you spot the red flags before you get too deep, I’m going to walk you through 7 signs you’re dealing with a narcissist.
As you read through these signs, learn the patterns of narcissistic behaviour and practise safeguarding your emotional health. You’ll develop the tools to respond in ways that keep you safe and grounded.
1. They Love the Attention
Whether it’s excessive compliments, over-sharing, or frequently reminding you how great they are, narcissists live for attention. They often have an insatiable need for validation from other people.
You may notice:
- They constantly fish for compliments.
- They brag about their accomplishments.
- They get upset if you don’t give them the attention they feel they deserve.
It’s one thing to seek validation once in a while—we all could use a compliment now and then. But if you’ve noticed someone constantly seeks your approval and validation, that’s narcissism.
Eventually, you’ll find yourself in conversations where the topic is them 95% of the time. You never feel heard because their fragile ego needs you to validate them at all times.
2. They Have No Sense of Empathy
If someone you know lacks empathy, you may already find yourself making excuses for their behaviour. Empathy is about understanding how other people feel. Someone with no empathy either can’t understand your emotions or doesn’t care.
You may notice:
- They belittle your emotions.
- They seem to never care about your feelings.
- They attack your feelings when they don’t agree with you.
Empathy is how most healthy people build emotional connections with others. When someone doesn’t have it, relationships are one-sided and emotional manipulation is common.
Over time, you may feel as though you constantly walk on eggshells around them and struggle to feel validated in your feelings.
3. Gaslighting and Manipulation
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a narcissist attempts to sow seeds of doubt in your mind about your memories, thoughts, or emotions.
You may notice they
- Deny saying or doing something that they clearly did.
- Make you question your memory or sanity.
- Twist things you say or do to make you feel guilty.
Gaslighting is a common tactic used by narcissists. For example, they may say something hurtful to you, but when you confront them, they’ll reply with something like the following:
“You must be remembering it wrong; that never happened” or “You’re too sensitive.”
Quickly, you may find that your partner or friend makes you question yourself, your memory, and your instincts. You might even find yourself going to them for validation because they literally gaslit you into it.
4. They Have a Sense of Entitlement
This one can be tricky to spot in the beginning. Someone with narcissistic tendencies often comes across as confident, charming, and even motivated by success.
But if you catch them:
- Expecting others to go out of their way for them.
- Acting like they’re “above” rules that other people have to follow.
- Acting impatient or frustrated when things don’t go their way.
…they might have an unhealthy sense of entitlement.
Allowing someone with an arrogant sense of entitlement to walk all over you will drain your energy and eventually cause resentment. Knowing this ahead of time can help you set boundaries before things get out of hand.
5. They Try to Use Relationships to Their Advantage
The people-pleasing addict cares about others to a fault. They often use relationships as a way to gain something in return.
You may catch them:
- Using others for their money, status, or fame.
- Putting their own needs before everyone else’s.
- Stealing your ideas or credit at work.
Relationships should be built on mutual respect and admiration. If you constantly find yourself giving your time, energy, and emotions while your partner takes, takes, and takes… that’s narcissistic behaviour.
6. Arrogance and Superiority
Similar to the above sign, arrogance often goes unnoticed until the relationship is quite serious. A narcissist will do everything they can to appear superior.
You may notice someone is arrogant if they:
- Put others down to seem smarter or stronger.
- Talk about their accomplishments excessively.
- Ignore the advice of others because they deem it “inferior”.
Having someone in your life who constantly belittles you will make you feel inadequate—whether you realise it or not. It also stops healthy communication from happening between you and your narcissist.
7. Too Much Charm, Too Soon
We often meet narcissists early on in life. The charm they show right off the bat is often what gets us hooked.
If someone is extremely charming at the beginning of a relationship, watch for:
- Exaggerated compliments that turn into criticism or manipulation.
- Fading affection when you two fight.
- Cold-hearted behaviour when they don’t get what they want.
No one should have to earn your affection because someone else decides they’re worthy of it. Remember that!
How to Protect Yourself From a Narcissist
Knowledge is power. Now that you know these 7 signs, let’s talk about how you can protect yourself.
- Establish boundaries. Figure out what you will and will not accept from this person and stick to it.
- Trust your instincts. If you “feel” something is off, it probably is.
- Put distance between you and them. You don’t have to allow a narcissist to take up space in your life. Limiting contact is always an option.
- Talk to someone about it. If you have a trusted friend or therapist, vent to them—they’ll help you process your experience.
- Love yourself. Protecting your mental and emotional health should be your number one priority.
Final Thoughts
I know this may hit close to home. If you’ve read this far and are thinking, “Yup, that’s my boyfriend/friend/significant other,” please know you’re not alone.
My ex-husband checked all of these boxes and more. I wish I had recognised these 7 signs sooner, so I didn’t let him manipulate me for as long as I did. But that’s why I’m sharing my story with you.
Now that you know the truth about narcissistic behaviour, you can spot the red flags and handle them accordingly. You don’t have to accept emotional harm just to “be polite” or “hope they change”.
Setting boundaries and having the self-awareness to remove yourself from abusive or toxic people are crucial. Without them, you may fall into cycles of gaslighting, lying, cheating, manipulation, and drama.
Your mental health depends on it.
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