Benjamin Otu EffiwattMen aren’t exempt from narcissistic behaviour, but they are often allowed to get away with it. If I’m being honest, hearing or witnessing this behaviour from men has been one of the most annoying things for me—both in relationships and in my day-to-day life. Unfortunately, most people just accept it as “how men are”. You know how. That guy always has to one-up everyone’s stories?
Does a man constantly need to hear how great he looks?
Accept it.
Does he blow up and contradict you whenever you try to talk about how you feel? “Well, men are just terrible at expressing emotions, so…” It’s become such a normal thing to see and hear that we rarely question it.
Why Narcissistic Behaviour From Men Often Gets Excused
When people act narcissistically around you—and get away with it—it causes serious damage.
Below, I’m going to explain:
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Why this happens
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How it affects YOU (especially in relationships)
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What to watch for so you don’t fall into this trap again
Understanding What Narcissistic Behaviour Actually Is
Before we jump in, let’s get on the same page.
By narcissistic behaviour, I don’t necessarily mean someone with a personality disorder. I’m talking about patterns of behaviour we repeatedly see, including:
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Little to no empathy
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A constant need for compliments or validation
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Gaslighting or manipulative behavior
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Inability to accept responsibility
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A sense of superiority
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Dismissing your feelings
Just because someone displays these traits doesn’t mean they have narcissistic personality disorder—but it also doesn’t give them permission to treat you however they want.
Male Privilege
This behaviour is often dismissed as “just how men are”.
The truth? Many men are taught—directly or indirectly—that these behaviours are acceptable or even admirable.
Contrary to popular belief, men aren’t born this way. They are taught.
Whether through friends, family, society, or all of the above, they are conditioned to believe things like:
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Men don’t show emotions
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Men should lead relationships
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Love means pleasing them
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Men will listen… eventually (if you try hard enough)
As you can see, many traits we label as “narcissistic” are actually normalised or even praised in men.
So instead of recognizing red flags, people brush them off as
“Oh, that’s just his personality.”
The “Boys Will Be Boys” Mindset
One of the main reasons men get away with this behaviour is simple: society allows it.
Here’s how it plays out:
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Boys are taught not to share feelings
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They’re encouraged to react with anger instead of vulnerability
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Emotional expression is discouraged
So when someone grows up suppressing emotions, it becomes normal for them and for everyone around them.
Likewise, when you hear:
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“Men aren’t meant to be emotional.”
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“He’s just not the sharing type.”
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“That’s just how guys are.”
What you’re really hearing is conditioning.
And once something becomes “normal”, people stop questioning it.
Overconfidence vs. Narcissism
Narcissism often disguises itself as confidence.
For example:
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A man brags constantly → “He’s confident.”
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He refuses to apologise → “He has strong beliefs.”
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He only cares about himself → “He’s independent.”
But here’s the truth:
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True confidence is secure
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Constant validation = insecurity
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Putting others down = insecurity
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Avoiding responsibility = insecurity
Narcissism often stems from deep insecurity—it just doesn’t look that way on the surface.
Why Do People Excuse Narcissistic Behaviour?
Accepting “Normal” vs. Accepting What’s Unhealthy
When these behaviours show up repeatedly, it’s no longer just personality—it’s a pattern. And unfortunately, we’ve normalised it. Men are often excused because their behaviour is labelled as “masculine”.
But if a woman behaved the same way? You wouldn’t say, “That’s just how women are.” You’d call it out.
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She’s dismissive → She’s rude
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She needs constant validation → She’s insecure
Same behaviour. Different standards.
Gender Roles
Men are expected to be leaders, providers, and go-getters. But people often confuse expectations with personality.
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He ignores your feelings → “He’s focused.”
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He avoids responsibilities → “That’s just how men are.”
Meanwhile, a woman doing the same thing would be labelled selfish.
Same actions. Two completely different standards.
How Women Are Conditioned to Accept It
This isn’t just on men—women play a role too.
We’re taught to be:
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Understanding
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Patient
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Supportive
We’re told to tolerate behaviour because “that’s the real world.”
So instead of leaving, you try to
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Communicate better
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Love harder
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Be more patient
But what happens when you’re the only one putting in effort?
Nothing changes.
You just end up settling.
Narcissists Can Be Charming
Let’s be real—narcissistic traits can be attractive at first.
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Confident? ✔️
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Ambitious? ✔️
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Goal-oriented? ✔️
Sounds amazing… until:
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He ignores your needs
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He dismisses your feelings
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Everything becomes about him
And suddenly, you’re in way over your head.
People Won’t Believe You
This one hurts.
People don’t want to believe that “nice guys” can be toxic.
You’ll hear things like the following:
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“Give him a chance.”
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“He’s sweet sometimes.”
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“He just doesn’t know how to express himself.”
People would rather protect their image than acknowledge their experience.
The Effects on You and Your Relationship
Emotional abuse can be subtle, but it’s still abuse.
Here’s what it does to you:
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You stop trusting yourself
You start questioning your own feelings. -
You feel like you’re asking for too much
Even when you’re not. -
You stop speaking up
Because what’s the point? -
You overcompensate
You give more than you receive. -
You suppress your emotions
Because expressing them feels unsafe.
The “Dog Training” Effect
Gaslighting is extremely common.
Instead of saying “Don’t cry,” they say:
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“You’re too sensitive.”
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“That’s not what I meant.”
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“You’re overreacting.”
It seems harmless—but over time, it breaks you down.
You stop trusting your own reality.
How to Stop Accepting This Behaviour
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Identify patterns
Words mean nothing without consistent actions. -
Stop over-explaining yourself
You deserve to be understood, not debated. -
Trust your gut
If something feels off, it probably is. -
Set boundaries
And stick to them. -
Stop normalising poor behaviour.
Just because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s okay.
What to Watch for Moving Forward
Be cautious of someone who:
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Never takes accountability
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Invalidates your feelings regularly
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They make everything about themselves
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Lacks empathy
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Gets defensive when asked simple questions
These are major red flags.
Final Thoughts
Understanding why narcissistic behaviour from men is often excused as “normal” can completely change your relationships.
It helps you:
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Stop accepting bad behaviour.
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Recognise red flags early
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Protect your peace
And most importantly…
Remember that you deserve better. You deserve someone who respects you, supports you, and actually values how you feel. You know the saying, “Love someone enough to let them go.” ”?
I like to think of it as the following:
Love yourself enough to walk away from someone who isn’t good for you.
Because once you know better, you can’t un-know it.
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