Benjamin Otu EffiwattYou walk away from an interaction feeling dizzy and overwhelmed. Tired. They made you cry and you’re not sure why. How did this happen again? Sometimes you left feeling responsible for things you didn’t do, or for how someone else feels. You know what all those situations have in common? The chances are, you were speaking with a narcissist.
I know how unsettling those kinds of encounters can be. I really do. And while there’s not a lot you can do if and when a narcissist crosses your path (because ultimately, you cannot control someone else’s behavior), one of the best things you can do is educate yourself. Learn the language they speak. Recognize it for what it is so you can let it roll off your back next time, and move on stronger than before.
What Is a Narcissist?
Ok, but first. Narcissist? Psychopath? Sociopath? What does that even mean?
Psychologist Dr. Paul Rosenberg breaks it down like this:
“A narcissist is someone who simply lacks empathy. He or she compulsively needs admiration, has a grossly inflated ego, and exploits others to serve their own needs.”
Notice I said “someone.” Contrary to what TV shows and movies might have taught you, narcissists aren’t some rabid monsters with bats lurking in every alley. They are real people that you interact with every day — bosses, coworkers, friends, family members, partners.
Although there are certainly deeper psychological factors at play when discussing whether or not someone is a narcissist, the dictionary definition is pretty spot-on:
“A person who has an inflated sense of their own importance, and a deep need for excessive attention and admiration.”
10 Narcissist Quotes That Will Change Your Life
1.”You’re too sensitive.”
Don’t question your sanity. Don’t start listing off the ways you correctly identified that you were hurt. Just accept that you’re too sensitive and learn to shut up about your feelings. It’s a classic mind game tactic, and one of the most demeaning things someone can say to you.
Your feelings are valid. Don’t ever let someone talk you out of that.
2.”I never said that. You must be imagining things.”
Gaslighting? Yeah — it’s that bad.
The definition of gaslighting: “to attempt to make someone question their own reality, memory, or sanity.”
If someone says something hurtful to you and then, when you call them out on it, they reply with some variation of this — they’re gaslighting you.
When this happens over and over again by the same partner, parent, or friend, you will start to question your memory and your reality. And that, right there, is the goal.
3.”Everything I do, I do for you.”
Yeah — no. You do not owe someone close to you anything simply because they bought you lunch one day or took you out for drinks. Guilt trip much?
Love does not come with a running tab. True care is unconditional and does not place obligations on the recipient to behave any certain way in return.
4.”No one else will ever love you like I do.”
Oh, poor you. No one will ever give you the love you crave. Or help you. Or listen to you.
You are not powerless without them. No one can love you better than you can love yourself.
You deserve people in your life who want to be there, not ones that you’re scared to lose.
5.”You made me do this.”
Say what now?
You didn’t make me snap. You didn’t make me yell. Nothing is your fault but your own actions.
One of the most defining characteristics of narcissists? They never take accountability for their actions. Ever.
6.”I was just joking. You have no sense of humor.”
We’re going to say this word again — gaslighting. Internalize it, trust it, file it away.
You know how people test boundaries in new friendships? They’ll say something offensive, and when you give them a look or criticize their comment, suddenly it’s: “Oh come on, lighten up, I was just joking!”
See how that works? Now you’re the bad guy because you didn’t find what they said hilarious.
They’re trying to pin their cruelty on you — don’t let them.
7.”After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you treat me?”
Back to number three — kind of.
Sure, someone might do kind things for you every once in a while. They might even treat you really well for extended periods of time. But that does not mean you ever owe them anything in return.
That doesn’t give them permission to guilt trip you into dropping your boundaries, demand your time, or expect you to react a certain way. If someone you love does something wonderful for you, that’s fantastic. But don’t let them turn that into a reward they can use to emotionally blackmail you down the road.
Keep your history with that person separate from the boundaries you need to put in place.
8.”You’re the only one who has a problem with me.”
Narcissists love making people feel like they’re losing their minds — especially the people closest to them. Because once that person starts to believe they are crazy, the narcissist has basically won.
Just because other people don’t see what you see or don’t agree with how you feel does not mean there’s something wrong with you. Feelings are not objective, and everyone is entitled to their own.
When someone makes you question yourself, takes credit for your emotions, or accuses you of overreacting — take a deep breath and remember this.
One of my favorite quotes of all time is: “The opinions of others don’t matter, but the opinions of everyone matter except yours.” Don’t ever let someone flip that on you.
9.”I know you better than you know yourself.”
Stop right there.
Every single time someone tries to tell you who you are, how you feel, or what you need — they are taking away your power.
The most important relationship you have is the one you have with yourself. You are the only you there is. Don’t let anyone make you question that.
10.”I’m done with you. You’ll regret losing me.”
Yep. It’s the old guilt trip move — probably said with a half smirk on their face while they secretly hoped you would crack and come crawling back.
If someone you care about says this to you, run. Far.
Someone who loves you will never hold the relationship over your head like a weapon, threatening to walk away if you don’t give them what they want.
Why These Narcissist Quotes Matter
Ok, but really though — did you catch yourself thinking about people in your life while reading through these narcissist quotes that will change your life? Did one or two make you feel angry? Did all of them make you feel unsettled because, on some level, you know someone who says these things all the time?
I want you to know that recognizing these quotes for what they really are is step one. Huge, significant step one.
Manipulative people count on us not knowing what’s happening. They count on us blaming ourselves. They count on us questioning our sanity. They feed off our own self-doubt. The more you can name what they are doing, thinking, and saying, the less power they will have over you.
Final Thoughts
Understand the game. Set firm, clear boundaries. Say something along the lines of “stop,” and walk away if they continue. Block them on social media. Unfollow their posts. Don’t give their content the space in your head.
Encourage your loved ones to do the same.
Talk to people about it — your therapist, your friends, your loved ones. Share your experiences and let them help you put things in perspective. You are not crazy, and you are definitely not overreacting. Leave if you can. Nothing makes a manipulator rage more than you walking away with your head held high. If someone is consistently making you feel this way, and they are not someone you are bound to by family or circumstance, you have a choice. Use it.
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