Benjamin Otu EffiwattFeeling like you constantly have to bring a narcissist down a notch can zap your energy in ways that are hard to describe. Maybe you’re curious about how it feels to live with a narcissist. If so, it’s not just about frustrating little arguments here and there.
Living with a narcissist can actually feel emotionally overwhelming. From my experience, it can feel like walking on eggshells all the time, and you may feel like you’re losing touch with your feelings, your memories, or even yourself.
Sure, you may think that narcissism is simply arrogant behavior or extreme confidence. However, once you start living with one, everything can become emotionally exhausting. Conversations feel like fights, and your feelings don’t seem to matter as much as theirs do.
Here’s how it feels living with a narcissist:
You Always Feel Like You’re Walking On Eggshells
One thing I feel whenever I’m around a narcissist is that one wrong move will cause them to attack me with their words.
If you live with a narcissist, you never know when a simple conversation will turn into them attacking you.
They may make you feel defensive by questioning what you said or by telling you that everything is your fault.
You may ask yourself:
“Did I say that wrong?”
“Should I have kept my mouth shut?”
“What did I do to make them snap?”
You start questioning every little thing you say or do around them.
Home doesn’t feel like home anymore because you feel like you have to watch what you say 24/7.
As the reader, imagine living somewhere where you don’t feel at peace because you’re afraid of upsetting someone else.
Your Feelings Don’t Matter Anymore
Typically, when something happens, both people should be able to express how they feel.
But when living with someone who has narcissistic tendencies, I often feel like my feelings don’t matter.
Every time I try to talk to them about how their words or actions made me feel, they find a way to make the conversation about them.
So instead of me saying:
“I felt hurt when you said that.”
They might respond with something like:
“You’re too sensitive.”
“You always take my words out of context.”
“You’re the one who started this argument.”
Eventually, you stop talking about anything emotional or sensitive because no matter what you say, they don’t seem to care.
Having your feelings constantly invalidated can make you feel insignificant.
Gaslighting Makes You Question Your Reality
Gaslighting is a big issue when it comes to narcissists.
They’ll question whether something even happened or deny that their words made you feel a certain way.
One moment I’ll clearly remember a conversation we had, and the next moment they’ll act like we never talked about that subject.
You will often hear things like:
“That didn’t come out of my mouth.”
“You seem to be making things up.”
“Oh please, you always exaggerate.”
After hearing this enough times, you may start questioning yourself.
Everything Is Always About Them
If you were to ask me to describe how it feels to live with a narcissist, I would say that everything is always about them.
They want all the attention to be on them 24/7.
Whether it’s about their day, how their boss upset them, or how they accidentally dropped their coffee and forgot to use two cups.
As soon as you start telling them about your day, they’ll find a way to make it about them somehow.
You score a promotion at work? “Nice.”
But they got a new coffee cup? Suddenly it’s a big deal and they expect praise.
Over time, you begin to feel as if your life isn’t as important as theirs.
You Become Confused By Their Words
You constantly hear criticism about everything you do.
From the way you talk, to the way you dress, to the career you chose.
It doesn’t take long before you start doubting yourself.
“I should have done this instead.”
“Maybe I am talking too much?”
“Should I just listen more?”
You may even start feeling like you’re no longer yourself because their words slowly start eating away at your confidence.
They Yell, Criticize, Or Blame You Too Often
I think we’ve all yelled at our spouse, family member, or significant other at least once.
But with narcissists, I find myself arguing a lot or being yelled at for no real reason.
Sometimes they yell because I asked how their day was.
Other times it’s because I forgot to do something they asked.
Arguments usually end with them yelling at me for talking back or accusing me of being too sensitive.
At times, I would even apologize for something I didn’t do.
Apologies Are Rare
When you live with a narcissist, you quickly learn that they rarely apologize.
If we had an argument, they would usually blame me or something else in our environment.
There were times when they would say things like:
“You weren’t listening to me.”
“Why are you always so sensitive?”
“I’m not sorry. You’re just overreacting.”
You almost never hear them say something as simple as “I’m sorry.”
Feeling Emotionally Drained By Simple Things
As I mentioned earlier, someone with narcissistic tendencies will criticize even the simplest things.
For me, it makes me feel emotionally drained.
Sometimes I feel mentally tired or completely worn out.
Even when they’re calm one day, I find myself stressing about whether they’ll yell the next day.
You may start to feel isolated because you’re always trying to keep the peace.
You Lose Touch With Who You Are
Something I’ve noticed about myself is that I constantly question things I used to be sure about.
Do I want pasta for dinner? What if I make the wrong choice?
Should I ask them about their day? What if they start an argument?
It’s as if your mind starts creating stressful scenarios, and suddenly you lose confidence in your own decisions.
Kind Moments Suddenly Bring Back Hope
Narcissistic relationships aren’t always bad.
There are moments when they can be extremely kind and caring.
They may make you feel like everything will be okay, and for a moment you forget about all the arguments you’ve had.
But once they return to their usual behavior, that moment of kindness fades quickly.
You begin to wonder if things will ever truly change because the same cycle keeps repeating.
Every Day Is An Emotional Rollercoaster
Living with someone who has narcissistic tendencies feels like riding an emotional rollercoaster.
One day everything seems fine, and you enjoy every moment.
The next day they may suddenly yell at you for asking how they are or how their day went.
Constantly living in this type of environment can make you feel anxious because you never know what you’re going to wake up to.
Living With A Narcissist Is Hard To Explain To Others
One thing I hate about having a narcissistic parent is trying to explain their behavior to others who don’t believe me.
Your loved one may even come across as a nice person to everyone else.
People might say things like:
“It sounds like you two just don’t get along.”
“I don’t see why you’re fighting.”
Trust me, I’ve heard them all.
How Living With A Narcissist Affects Your Emotional Health
Learning that your spouse, parent, sibling, or significant other you love displays narcissistic tendencies can be incredibly difficult.
Not only does it affect you emotionally, but it may also make you avoid talking about the situation altogether.
Learning how to deal with their behavior is important when living with a narcissist. Over time, you learn not to take everything personally and realize that their behavior reflects their issues, not yours.
Conclusion
If you can relate to any of the things I mentioned above, know that you are not alone.
It took a toll on my confidence for a while because I constantly questioned whether I was good enough for him.
But once I realized that his behavior was wrong and that he was the problem, not me, I slowly regained my confidence.
Let me know in the comments how living with your significant other or parent with narcissistic tendencies has affected you.
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