Benjamin Otu EffiwattLet’s be honest. We’ve all been there. Stuck in that thing that feels like a relationship but somehow never actually is. Trying. Trying your best to show him you care by making yourself available whenever he has a free moment to give you some attention. Pouring actual effort into something that barely requires you to show up.
He’s just playing around. He’s not checking out other women. He’s not even dating other women. He’s just floating through life with you along for the ride. Because believe it or not, there are men out there that don’t want a real relationship.
What Does It Even Mean to Waste Someone’s Time?
Ok, before I jump into the list, let me clarify something. When I say he’s wasting your time, that doesn’t always mean he’s being a TOTAL jerk about it. He’s not likely to be blatantly rude or offensive. He won’t completely shut you out or come right out and say he’s not interested.
In fact, he might be one of the nicest guys you know. That’s why it’s confusing and frustrating as hell, right? You look for all these signs of him cheating or not caring that you’ve read about, and there aren’t any. Because the reality is, him being glued to his phone every other minute isn’t it.
He’s promising you things and never following through.
He’s nice. Sometimes. When it suits him. A man wasting your time is taking up space in your life without actually building a life with you. He likes you. He loves spending time with you, your energy, your smile, and who knows — maybe even your body.
Why It’s So Hard to Let Him Go (When You Know)
Okay, so let me guess. You’re reading this and thinking, “Yeah, I think he might be just playing around.”
But you’re not sure.
And honestly, half of you doesn’t even want to be sure.
See, the crazy thing about knowing someone isn’t serious about you is that it doesn’t make it easier to walk away.
When you like someone — a LOT — it hurts to walk away from them, even if it’s for the best.
Part of you wants to believe he will change. That if you just wait a little longer, try harder, or say the right thing, he’ll start showing up for you.
We don’t want to let them go because we hope they’ll be the exception to all the times we’ve seen this happen to other people.
We want so badly to trust that this person is going to come through for us.
I get it. Trust me, I do.
But letting go of someone you really like is hard — regardless of whether he’s told you he wants to be with you or not.
Learning to recognize these signs of disinterest is the first step in giving yourself permission to move on, even if he hasn’t technically “cheated.”
5 Signs He’s Just Playing Around
1.He Never Makes Concrete Plans
Look, we all know men that are busy with work and life.
And we know those guys still make time for us when we matter. They follow through on plans, and if they can’t, they say so. But if he keeps things vague and never actually has a definite “yes” about seeing you, he doesn’t prioritize you.
He says things like, “we should hang out soon,” but never defines “soon.” He cancels last minute more often than he shows up. Or he’s always almost free. Sometimes there’s always a reason he “can’t” see you that day but will be “free” in a few weeks.
“Yeah, I just got busy with [insert thing here].” If. He. Can’t. Give. You. A. CONCRETE YES. If he doesn’t have specific plans to see you or be with you — It’s because he doesn’t want to tie himself down.
2.The Relationship Feels Like It Has No Momentum
In a healthy relationship, there’s forward momentum. You go on dates, you decide to be exclusive, you meet each other’s friends and families, you share experiences together and learn each other’s love languages, all while building something real. If you’ve been hanging out with this guy for months and you’re not any deeper than you were when you first started — pause.
I promise you this lack of progress is no accident.
3.He likes you where you both are right now.
Uncertain, undefined, casual.
That’s where he wants to keep it.
If you try to push for anything more, he’ll either a.) make excuses, b.) promise to do better, or c.) guilt-trip you into thinking you’re “too needy.”
4.You Always Feel Like You’re Chasing Him
You text him first. You ask if he wants to hang out. You want to know how his day is going.
You follow up if he forgets to call you back. He texts you two minutes after you stop reaching out, hoping he’ll catch you this time. If you stop chasing for a little while to see if he’ll reach back out, there will be nothing.
Zombie apocalypse — no communication from him. It’s like he feeds off your pursuit of him. And that right there is a major red flag. If he wanted to see you, he’d see you. Being “busy” isn’t an excuse if he makes an effort to talk to you when he has the time. He’ll reach out just to say hi, he’ll ask about your day, and he’ll be attentive to your needs without you having to ask him to be.
5.You Never Know Where You Stand
One week he’s all love songs and poetry, the next he vanishes for days.
The most frustrating part about this yo-yo act? You never quite know where you stand.
One day he’s your everything, then he pulls the old “I need space.” He’s emotionally unavailable. You spend so much time wondering where you stand that you lose track of whether you are actually happy.
Bonus Points If He Talks About the Future and You’re Never Part of It
Listen to how he talks about his future. Does he mention all the fun things he wants to do or places he wants to go, but you’re never part of that plan? Does he have goals, dreams, and ambitions that don’t include anyone special?
This right here is your answer. You fall into the category of present. You are a part of his life now, but he doesn’t plan on including you in his future.
Final Thoughts
None of these signs I mentioned are deal-breakers on their own. People get busy, relationships go through dry spells, and communication is something we could ALL work on. But if you find yourself seeing multiple of these — and your gut is screaming at you to run far, far away —
LISTEN. You DESERVE someone who knows he wants you. Who doesn’t keep you on hold while he decides if he wants a real commitment with you or not. Someone who plans in advance, shows up when they say they will, and doesn’t make you wonder where you stand. Don’t settle for someone who’s just playing around with your emotions. Your time is too precious. Quit letting guys waste it.
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