Benjamin Otu EffiwattYou’ve met him. You’ve liked him. You’ve slept with him. He tells you he wants to keep seeing you, but he’s married. What now?
No one wants to think about the many types of women who sleep with married men. It’s morbid and messy, so we don’t. Instead, people oversimplify things and pretend these situations only happen to one type of woman.
Except they don’t.
Life is complicated. Emotions are messy. People are different.
Why Women Have Affairs with Married Men
You know the age-old question: why do women cheat? Well, it’s the same question we should ask here.
Does she know he’s married? Was she thrown under the bus after he’d had his fun? Is she lonely? Seeking excitement? Looking for love? Someone decided this married man was worth her time. Regardless of his marital status.
Why?
There’s a reason. Emotional needs are being fulfilled somewhere in this equation. Does that make it okay? Of course not. Is it understandable? Sometimes.
Humans are messy. Not all women who date married men think of themselves as the other woman, either. Maybe she was already in a situationship with him when she found out he was married. Maybe she’s falling for him hard and doesn’t know how to get out of the emotional roller coaster he’s offering.
What Most Of These Women Have In Common
Before we get into specific types, let’s talk about what most of them have in common.
For starters, married men will often make themselves readily available to a woman. He tells her he’s miserable, wants out, but his wife won’t let him leave. Or his wife doesn’t understand him. Or they haven’t slept in the same bedroom in years.
In reality, any man with a working penis who says he’s taken isn’t available long term. But semantics matter less when he’s weaving a narrative that gets you emotionally attached fast. A lot of women in these relationships struggle with feeling wanted, needed, or appreciated in some way. Whether that’s sex, attention, financial support, thrills, or love.
We’re all different, so the empty void a married man fills will vary from woman to woman.
Now that we have that out of the way…
1.The Woman Who Didn’t Know He Was Married
Girl meets guy. Girl kisses guy. Girl sleeps with guy. Girl finds out he’s married one, five, or ten dates in.
This woman didn’t set out to sleep with a married man. He introduced himself as single, and she believed him.
Like many women like her, once she finds out the truth she’s already emotionally invested. It’s not that she’s naive — he lied to her.
Where she becomes a “knowing” participant in the affair is if she sticks around after discovering he’s married. She has a choice at that point.
2.The Woman Who Needs Emotional Validation
This woman isn’t necessarily looking for a boyfriend — she’s looking to feel special.
She wants to know someone out there wants her and can tell her she’s beautiful, funny, interesting, charismatic, or whatever quality she’s been overlooking in herself.
She doesn’t need sex. She needs him to watch her eat popcorn and sit through her Netflix melodrama monologue and think she’s the best thing to ever happen to him.
She probably knows what she’s doing isn’t great for her. Hell, it probably hurts her self-esteem to engage in it.
But those five minutes of talking to him when he says how amazing she is make her feel good. Wanted. And that feeling is addictive as hell when you don’t get much of it elsewhere.
3.The Woman Who Isn’t Ready For A Relationship
She has a full-time job, a career, ambitions.
Maybe she’s fresh out of a breakup and not really looking for anyone yet. But he’s married, so what’s the worst that could happen?
He presents as available and doesn’t push for anything serious, so he’ll never get in her way.
The thing is, you always become emotionally available when feelings are involved. Every time.
She may realize this after getting involved and end it before she gets too attached. But she’s aware there’s a chance things could become serious if she lets it.
4.The Woman Who Thinks He’ll Leave His Wife
He promises it’ll be her soon. He loves her more than he loves his wife. He wants out but needs her to sign the papers first.
This woman wants a relationship. She doesn’t want an affair.
She falls in love knowing he’s married because he convinces her that they have a future as soon as his marriage is finalized.
Except it never is.
Asking her to leave him after she’s spent months or years building a life with him is something most people can’t do.
If he loves you, he’ll make it work.
She really wants to believe that.
5.The Woman Who Is Attracted To Unavailable Men
It’s a difficult pattern to get into, but some people gravitate toward people who aren’t available to them. Whether emotionally or physically. And yes, dating a married man is the classic example of both.
Men love to give this woman excuses as to why they can’t date her. She absorbs every word and vents to her friends about how unfair it all is. She’ll never admit it to herself, but she subconsciously attracts men who are unwilling or incapable of committing to her.
6.The Woman Who Is His Best Friend’s Sister / Mom / Daughter / Or Someone From His World
If you two have an “instant connection” and she’s not a stranger, she knows him. She’s likely already deep into her own emotional investment in him before they even sleep together.
It doesn’t feel accurate to label her as having an affair in the traditional sense, because that’s the world they both knew him in. However, it absolutely is an affair now. It’s not quite as simple as some of the other types. But since you two were “meant to be,” that makes everything okay, right?
7.The Woman In An Unhappy Marriage Or Relationship Herself
She’s not looking for someone to cheat with so she can leave her husband. She’s looking for someone to cheat with because she feels like she can’t leave her husband.
She knew what she was signing up for when she said “I do.” He wasn’t looking for a relationship, so why should she expect one from him? This woman feels guilty, but she also feels justified. How can she be cheated on if she’s also cheating?
8.The Younger Woman He Mentors At Work
This scenario plays out a lot more than most people realize. A married man who’s your boss, mentor, coworker, or professor gives you attention. He makes you feel special because he talks to you more than anyone else. This makes you think you have some sort of special bond.
Welcome to manipulation. She likely doesn’t see it happening until it’s too late.
9.The Woman Who Wants Financial Security
If money were the only incentive women needed to sleep with other men, we’d all be millionaires. It’s not. But financial stability is a real reason why some women sleep with married men. Whether she’s struggling to pay bills or grew up without financial security and values stability more than most, the appeal is real.
Men love to attach strings to this so-called “favor” they’re doing her. You don’t get something for free without the giver expecting something in return. And if he’s proud of his manipulation, he’ll make sure she knows it.
10.The Woman Who Loves Him
Sometimes a woman just meets a man and falls in love with him. She didn’t set out to wake up next to someone who cheats on his wife. She also didn’t set out to find love in the wrong place.
This isn’t like the other women on this list. She loves him, and he broke her heart. Sure, she could have walked away when she found out he was married. But she didn’t. She loves him so much that finding another reason to leave feels impossible.
But even if you love him, you’re still hurting someone who loves him too. Now think about how the woman he’s cheating with feels. If you can’t bring yourself to empathize with her, at least admit that what’s happening is selfish.
Final Thoughts
Women who sleep with married men will never fit into one box. Some know exactly what they’re doing while others are deceived. Others still fall somewhere in between and find themselves questioning everything after the fact.
Whichever woman you are, stop beating yourself up about being human.
There’s only one question you should ask yourself after reading this: Are you being genuinely taken care of, or are you allowing a married man to do the bare minimum because you love him and hope he’ll eventually give you the world?
Think about it.
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