Benjamin Otu EffiwattThere are few things more devastating than discovering your partner cheated on you. But what if I told you that you can actually learn to spot the warning signs before it happens? Cheaters come from all walks of life, but they tend to have the same exact personality traits and behavior patterns years before cheating actually occurs.
After years of researching relationship psychology and learning from thousands of stories just like yours, I compiled the 10 traits most cheaters have in common.
Why Do Some People Cheat While Others Stay Loyal?
Let’s get something straight: having these traits doesn’t necessarily mean your partner will cheat on you. But learning about the typical psychology behind cheaters can help you spot red flags early. Cheating isn’t about lust or sexual attraction. People cheat because of patterns they formed in their childhood, how they handle their emotions, their core values, and how they treat others.
Study after study has shown personality and attachment style matter greatly when it comes to fidelity in a relationship. By knowing the psychology of cheaters, you can better prepare yourself to avoid them.
What Do The 10 Traits of Cheaters Actually Look Like?
I get it — hearing about traits can be meaningless if you don’t understand what they look like in practice. Here’s what these cheating tendencies might look like in your partner:
Your partner might seem insensitive to your feelings when you’re arguing or dismiss them altogether. They may also act hardly affected when they know they hurt you.
Your partner might excessively seek attention from others on social media. They may flirt openly with others or seem visibly uneasy if they aren’t the center of someone’s attention.
They show a low tolerance for boredom or discomfort and act selfishly.
Your partner may cheat because they believe that if they want something else, they “deserve” to have it.
They may try to push guilt onto you and manipulate you into staying with them.
These are just a few examples — actions that cheaters take will usually be small at first and develop over time. The way your partner treats you when there are no “stakes” involved tells you more about their character than grand romantic gestures ever will.
1.Low Empathy
Empathetic people would never dream of hurting their partner by cheating. Cheating requires a certain level of mental justification. People with low empathy are better at convincing themselves because they don’t struggle with seeing things from their partner’s perspective. Cheaters with low empathy aren’t always inherently cruel; they just tend to be selfish with their emotions.
2.A High Need for Validation
Some people have an endless need to feel validated. They constantly seek reassurance from others that they are attractive, intelligent, witty, and desirable. If your partner can’t get the validation they need from you, they may cheat to fill that void.
This isn’t about you not providing them with enough validation; it’s about them needing more validation than most people. Some people require constant reassurance to feel good about themselves, and they will cheat if they don’t get it.
3.Narcissistic Tendencies
Did you know that narcissists cheat more than the average person? It makes sense when you realize that narcissists think they are entitled to cheat. They have narcissistic tendencies that allow them to justify cheating to themselves.
You may have noticed your partner makes everything about them or never seems to take accountability for their mistakes. Those are hallmarks of a narcissist.
4.Poor Impulse Control
Let’s be honest — most people cheat because they got caught in a bad moment and gave in to temptation. People who cheat are more likely to have poor impulse control in other areas of their life, whether that be spending, drug use, gambling, or reckless driving. Cheating doesn’t just magically happen to people with strong willpower.
5.A History of Cheating
I hate being the bearer of obvious news, but someone who cheated in the past will likely cheat again. Statistics show that people who cheat once are likely to cheat again. I know that doesn’t mean it’s impossible for cheaters to change, or that people who haven’t cheated will never cheat, but it does increase the chances.
6.Avoidant Attachment Style
Avoidant people have a tendency to push their partners away when they feel like things get too close. They deal with their vulnerabilities by creating space between themselves and their partner, even if that means cheating.
They often struggle to communicate their needs to their partners and may cheat as a way of pushing their partner away without having to come right out and say it.
7.Thrill-Seeking Behavior
Thrill seekers love excitement and new things. Everything is thrilling to them at first. But for some, once things become routine, they lose interest. To a chronic thrill seeker, monogamy can start to feel restrictive. The act of cheating provides them with excitement and novelty.
8.Emotional Immaturity
Emotionally immature people don’t know how to healthily deal with conflict, boredom, or disappointment in a relationship. Instead of addressing the problem, they ignore it. Instead of leaving when they want to be with someone else, they cheat. Cheating becomes the easy way out for someone who doesn’t know how to handle real-life problems.
9.Entitlement
Entitled people believe they deserve better than what they have — better partners, more sex, more attention, more options. When someone cheats out of entitlement, it’s easier for them to justify their actions. They don’t see cheating as betraying their partner; they see it as giving themselves what they deserve. People usually show hints of entitlement long before they cheat.
10.Dishonesty
Last but not least, cheaters are dishonest people. If your partner lies about small things, they will lie about large things too. Honesty is not a quality most people turn on and off when it’s convenient for them. If you’ve noticed your partner is naturally dishonest, that’s someone who may cheat down the road.
FAQs
Can a good person have these traits and never cheat?
Yes. There are plenty of good people with borderline personality traits or avoidant attachment styles who never cheat on their partners. Some cheaters cheat because of past trauma and work through those issues in time. Cheating is not inevitable if your partner has some of these traits.
Is cheating a choice?
Yes. Regardless of how many of these traits your partner has, cheating is always a choice. Certain traits can increase someone’s likelihood of cheating and lower their guard against temptation, but everyone has a choice not to cheat.
What should I do if my partner displays some of these cheating traits?
Don’t freak out. Use this information to keep your eyes open, have open conversations with your partner about your relationship, and listen to your gut. If your partner cheats, know that they likely displayed these signs beforehand. If things still feel off, pay attention to your intuition.
Closing Thoughts
Cheating doesn’t happen out of nowhere. People who cheat share years’ worth of warning signs that could be picked up if we know what to look for. The good news is, once you know these red flags and traits, you can avoid those people in the future.
You deserve to be with someone who shows up for you both inside and outside the bedroom, and knowing these cheating red flags can help you find that person.
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