Benjamin Otu EffiwattIf you’re dating and liked by a man you’re not sure feels the same way, it can be tricky to tell what his intentions are. Is he into you, or is he just using you for sex? If you’ve ever wondered what his motivations are behind everything he does or doesn’t do, welcome to the club.
Seriously. Any man who only wants you for your body will knowingly take you on this wild emotional goose chase. While most players are men, this isn’t always the case. So let’s take a look at some tell-tale signs that he just wants casual sex.
What “Only Wants Sex” Actually Looks Like
Before I dive into this list, I want to define exactly what we’re looking for when we talk about guys who just want to hook up. Because calling him a player doesn’t really tell you much. Sure, a man who only wants sex probably falls into that category for some people. But that term can mean different things to different people.
Simply put: he’s only after one thing. He’s not putting any effort into getting to know you as a partner because he has no intention of it leading anywhere beyond his bedroom. And while sex can be part of a healthy relationship, if you want more than that, he’s not your guy.
You’ve probably noticed a pattern by now if you’ve ever been with a guy who just wanted casual sex. He shows up when he wants to, says all the right things to keep you interested, but rarely does anything to go deeper. There’s some spark, some physical attraction. But there’s no romance.
When you look at him through that lens, a lot of these signs will click.
Signs He’s Only Interested in Sex
He only reaches out late at night
When we say late, I mean like after 9 pm. Does he mostly message you at night? And especially, does he ask if you want to hang out when it’s past your bedtime? If he really liked you as more than a friend with benefits, he would make time during regular hours to spend it with YOU.
Conversations always circle back to sex
I think we can all guess where this sign is going. Listen to how he speaks to you. If the conversations always seem to go back to sexual topics even when you’re talking about something non-sexual, that’s where his mind goes. You should be able to talk about anything with the man you’re dating.
He doesn’t ask questions about your life
Ask him how his day was. What he did last weekend. What he’s looking forward to doing in the future. How his parents are doing. If he doesn’t ask you the same things in return, he isn’t curious about you. And emotional curiosity is a big sign that someone wants to get to know YOU.
He disappears after sex
It’s one thing if he wants to go home and sleep after you’ve hooked up. Don’t throw a pity party over that. But if he rarely calls you afterward, never wants to cuddle, and doesn’t ask how your day was — that’s when it becomes noticeable.
He avoids making plans in advance
Plans breed commitment, and if a guy only wants sex, he doesn’t want to commit to you. Dates, vacations — heck, even just telling you that he wants to try that new restaurant with you next weekend. If he only makes plans last minute or insists everything just be spontaneous, he’s probably not into you beyond the bedroom.
He’s never introduced you to anyone in his life
Nobody has met your mother, your best friend from college, or even your coworkers. You never get invited when he’s hanging out with his friends. Heck, you might not even know where he works! If he keeps you isolated from his life, that could very well be your first red flag.
He gets distant when you try to have real conversations
Bring up your feelings about the two of you, talk about the future, mention moving in together — you know, stuff that couples do. What does he do? If he shuts down any time you try to go deep, that’s a sign that he’s only interested in sex.
Physical affection only happens in private
The big spooning, footsie under the table, hand-holding kind of affection. Is it happening? Or are you always just bumping elbows when you’re around other people? Guys who are proud to be with you won’t shy away from showing affection in public.
He makes promises he never follows through on
“Heyyy, let’s go on a date tomorrow!” “Yeah, sounds fun, what time should we meet?” “Have you heard about this new restaurant that opened?” “Yes I have! Wanna check it out?” “Well, I already made other plans.”
Does that exchange sound familiar? If he’s telling you he wants to do something with you but it never actually happens, he’s probably saying things just to hear you say yes.
Your gut keeps telling you something is off
This one might seem obvious, but I had to include it. You know yourself better than anyone. If you constantly feel like something is off with this guy, it probably is. You spend enough time with people to know when something feels right — and when it doesn’t.
What to Do With This Information
Hopefully, you picked up on one or two things that hit home. Maybe reading this made you realize your guy DOES want more than just sex. But if you recognized some serious red flags in your relationship, that’s rough.
However, know that recognizing these signs is the FIRST step to getting out of a one-sided relationship and finding someone who wants all of you too.
Conclusion
Guys can be great at hiding the fact that they just want you for sex. But if you know what to look for, the signs ARE there. He’s just hoping you won’t look too long, or too closely.
If you’ve spent more than a couple of dates with this guy and multiple signs resonate with you, trust yourself. You’re not paranoid, and you’re certainly not needy. Asking questions and wanting more than casual sex is healthy and normal. Don’t settle for excuses and just hoping he feels the same way. The right person won’t make you question whether he wants to be with you. You deserve that person. Stick around and you’ll find him.
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