Benjamin Otu EffiwattDisclaimer: before we begin, I want to address this: most people who google “how to make a guy chase you” aren’t actually looking for dirty tricks and techniques to manipulate men into liking you. They want drama-free ways to stop chasing and actually be chased. Hell, I know I did. There’s just something satisfying about having a man WANT your time, your attention, your body. You should feel that satisfaction too — and you can, without playing games. You just have to know what sparks chase — and what sucks all the thrill out of it.
Allow me to unravel some of the mystery. It’s not about acting inauthentic or doing weird things to force interest. It’s about being you in a way that sparks a man’s motivation to pursue you. There’s a difference.
Why Men Chase at All
It’s beneficial to first understand why men pursue women to begin with. The answer? They feel attracted to you. Plain and simple. They’re excited to be around you, but there’s a little flutter of uncertainty, and they know you might be with others who want you. Instant intrigue. What squelches chase? Knowing the other person wants you too. There’s no sense of thrill or mystery when you know with 100% certainty that he’s going to ask you out and you will say yes.
Certainty is the enemy of chase. But this doesn’t mean you should be cold or actively withhold yourself from him. It means you shouldn’t put all your proverbial eggs in one basket. When a man senses that you are invested in your own life, that you are INTERESTING because you have a rich world outside of him — and that you’re not just pretending you’re busy or you’re interested in other people, you ACTUALLY are — that’s when a man will begin to feel helpless and want to chase you.
Lead With an Awesome Life
Men are attracted to women who have a great life they’d love to be a part of. Don’t “act” busy, don’t pretend to have a million other friends. Actually LIVE. Have things you care about outside of him. Friends. Dreams. Hobbies. Ambitions. Go travel solo if that’s your thing. Stick to plans with your friends. Work on your goals. Let your connection with him be fun, but not so serious that it consumes you.
In practice: don’t clear your schedule the second he texts you. Don’t freak out if he doesn’t want to watch a movie tonight and would rather hang out with you tomorrow instead. If the majority of your time is spent focusing on yourself, your passions, and your friends, he will want to be a part of that. He’ll want to earn his way into your world.
Make Him Work (a Little) for Your Attention
Have you ever noticed how much more you appreciate something when you actually have to work for it? When you take things for granted, you don’t value them as much. It’s human nature. Apply this to catching a man’s attention: you should absolutely be warm, welcoming, and friendly with him. But you also shouldn’t feel the need to respond to every single text within seconds of receiving it.
Don’t dive headfirst into a new potential partner. Match his level of contact and energy, then slowly up the game if he does the same. Let him wonder what you think about him every once in a while, instead of completely broadcasting your feelings before he’s had the chance to try. When you allow for a little ambiguity to exist in the beginning, you create a space where chase can live.
Don’t Over-Share & Over-Text Early On
It’s extremely common to fall into a pattern of over-sharing when you first start talking to someone you like. You want them to like you! You spend all day dreaming about the conversations you have, so when your phone dings and they text you back, YOU TEXT BACK. IMMEDIATELY.
It’s natural. And hell, I’ve done it too. The issue with responding to every text in the beginning isn’t that you’re giving too much of yourself away. It’s that you’re depriving yourself of the natural ebb and flow of a relationship. Flirting is subtle. Part of the fun is wondering if he’s going to text you back, or if he’ll want to see you tomorrow as much as you want to see him.
Scale back your responses until the relationship feels like it’s reached that level. You can still be warm and friendly without offering up your entire life story before you’ve even had coffee together.
Value Yourself — Starting with Your Time
Too many women think being hard to get means playing games, watching ESPN with your ex, and pushing a man away when he tries. That’s not what I’m talking about. Becoming harder to get starts with valuing every minute of your time. Don’t sit around waiting for him to text you, wanting with every fiber of your being for him to pick up. Live your life so exhilaratingly that you don’t have time to think about whether he texts you or not.
Pay attention to how you react when he disappoints you. If you find yourself tolerating late responses to your texts, wondering where he is when he doesn’t say he’ll be home on time, and questioning his actions whenever he slightly rubs you the wrong way — ask yourself why you aren’t valuing yourself more. If you won’t accept poor treatment from a man, chances are he won’t respect himself enough to offer it either.
Allow Yourself to Be a Little Selective
Related to my last point: men can smell boredom and desperation a mile away. That doesn’t mean you have to act like you’re too good for him if you’re not. It does mean that you shouldn’t jump all over him if he gives mixed signals. Don’t put all your weight on winning him over by showing up every time he talks to you, making yourself available anytime he wants to see you, and chasing his approval by asking him how his day was when he doesn’t give a damn about yours.
Being selective means respecting yourself enough to walk away when someone shows you they aren’t willing to meet you where you are. It means you won’t drop everything and make him a priority if he can’t do the same. You’re not punishing him by leaving if he doesn’t treat you right. Your time is simply too valuable to do otherwise.
Use Tension to Your Advantage
Tension, my dear readers, is one of your best friends when two people are just starting to get to know each other. It’s what makes a man wonder if you like him. It’s what makes him come back to text you because he gets that addictive burst of dopamine when you reply. Don’t ruin the fun by giving it all away too soon.
Playing hard to get doesn’t mean you have to be cold or closed off. You can be sweet, friendly, and funnier than he is and still make him wait for your attention. It’s about balance. You want him chasing you, not running for the hills.
Learn to Say Bye
Here’s the kicker. The thing that separates the girls from the women. The thing that will have your man begging to be noticed by you. When you know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you’re going to walk away if he continues to treat you badly, you automatically command more respect. You don’t have all the time in the world for someone who isn’t willing to meet you halfway.
I know how hard letting go is. Believe me, I really do. But once you hit that point where you know this person does not and will not work — for whatever reason — you need to accept that and move on. Strong women know how to walk away when something’s not serving them. Once you learn to do that, you’ll never have to chase again.
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