Benjamin Otu EffiwattWhen a relationship starts to fizzle out, there’s a silence that falls over it. Not the comfortable silence of two people who know each other well. Not the silence where you can sit together and enjoy each other’s presence.
It’s the silence of someone who doesn’t want to talk to you… but doesn’t want to leave you alone just yet.
You’ve been noticing distance with your woman lately and can’t quite put your finger on why.
Or maybe you can.
Relationships end and they are painful. Sometimes they fade slowly and you know it, but other times it hits you like a ton of bricks.
Let me tell you what happened.
I watched it happen to people I knew and later in my own relationship. When a woman checks out of your relationship, there are signs that appear way before she’ll ever utter the words “I don’t feel the same way about you anymore.”
Here are 12 signs she’s over you and doesn’t know how to say it (yet)
She Doesn’t Text or Call First Anymore
Think about how you used to talk to each other. Did she text you throughout the day to say hi or share silly jokes? Call you randomly to hear your voice?
Did she contact you when something popped into her head that reminded her of you? When a woman stops initiating contact, that’s a big sign that she’s over a relationship with you. You should be the only person calling and texting because she won’t.
She’ll answer when you do reach out, but she’s no longer creating opportunities to talk to you. It’s not because she doesn’t love talking to you… It’s because she doesn’t WANT to talk to you.
When you realize that all — or most — of the communication comes from you…you’ll know where her mind is at.
Your Conversations Have Become Transactional
Don’t mistake this one for the previous one. When your conversations lack depth, it’s because she’s no longer interested in having them.
You go back and forth. Asking questions and answering them. What happens is you don’t feel connected when you talk. It’s like speaking to a wall.
You ask her how her day was and she says “good.” If you pry further you might get “fine.”
She’ll respond to your questions but there’s no engagement.
Asking short questions that don’t require effort or emotion is a big sign that she’s checked out of the relationship.
Talking to her becomes a mundane chore that you have to get through — rather than something that you want to do.
She Doesn’t Mention the Future
Coupled people talk about the future.
Dream vacations, holidays, things they want to try — you know…normal couple things.
She’s stopped talking about the future because she doesn’t see you in it.
If you try and discuss something that’s a few months down the road, she makes up vague answers or noncommittal responses.
You used to talk about future trips together all the time. Now she laughs it off as something that “may happen,” but she’s not making any firm plans with you.
Fights Have Stopped
You would think this one is a good sign, right?
Relationships shouldn’t have fighting — RIGHT?
Wrong.
Yes, you shouldn’t have silly fights or anything that causes hard feelings.
But if you two are no longer fighting, she could be gone.
When a woman stops defending herself, stops arguing her point of view — she may no longer care enough to fight for the relationship.
Absence of conflict is a great sign in a relationship when both people WANT to be there.
If one person has mentally checked out, no amount of pushing will bring her back.
You may notice a lack of physical affection.
Cuddling, kissing, touching — these are all forms of physical intimacy that keep people connected in a relationship.
When she starts distancing herself on the physical level — pushing you away when you try and hug, acting like she’s tired of your touch —
It’s not a coincidence.
If you see physical distance starting to happen, she’s emotionally distant too.
Everything Else Is More Important Than Spending Time With You
Plans with you are always changing.
She’s always busy.
She’s tired all of a sudden.
You used to go to bed together and now she claims to be tired when you get home.
Everyone is busy, we all go through times where outside obligations take a lot of time — but when it’s consistent and always revolves around time WITH you, that’s a sign. When a woman doesn’t want to be with you, spending time with you goes from being a reward to something she’s forced to do.
Small Moments Are No Longer Shared
Whether it’s sharing a funny story that happened at work, sending each other dumb memes, or talking about something that randomly came up — relationships are built on these small moments.
She’s no longer telling you these stories — they’re either reserved for someone else or not being shared at all.
You were her go-to person for EVERYTHING.
If she doesn’t talk to you about the small moments, she’s found a new person to tell, or she doesn’t want to talk to anyone.
She’s Happier Without You
Has she suddenly seemed happier without you around?
More relaxed?
Laid back?
If you’ve noticed that in your absence she’s a better person, that’s a sign.
She doesn’t have to be a bad person for her to not want to be with you anymore.
Maybe staying in this relationship is causing her stress or causing her to feel horrible about herself. When those feelings occur, it’s easier to be away from the person that causes them.
She’s Become Critical or Dismissive
Some women will pull away quietly, others will lash out.
Have you felt like nothing you do is good enough for her lately?
Like she constantly seems irritated by everything?
When a woman becomes checked out, she may start verbally showing you by rolling her eyes at your comments or coming across as easily annoyed.
It doesn’t mean she’s a terrible person — it means she’s likely trying to figure out how to tell you she’s over you.
She Doesn’t Get Jealous
Every relationship experiences jealousy from time to time — it’s natural to care about who your partner spends their time with.
But if she shows zero response when you mention other girls, flirting in front of her, or you hanging out with other girls…
Her lack of emotion may mean she doesn’t have any emotion left for you.
She’s Said She’s Unhappy
This one is probably the most obvious sign on the list and yet it still goes unnoticed.
If she flat out tells you that she’s unhappy, feels disconnected from you, or that something just isn’t working — LISTEN TO HER.
Women tend to give their partners a heads up before they bail — sometimes they do it in subtle ways and sometimes they just come out and say it.
If she’s mentioned any of these things to you, realize that she’s unhappy and put a good effort forward to uncover WHY.
Your Gut Knows
I know this list has been all about specifics but don’t ignore your gut feeling either.
If you just get an overall weird feeling about things or something seems off — YOU KNOW YOUR relationship better than anyone.
Things will have a different feel to them if the girl you’re with is over you.
You know when you’re walking on eggshells around someone. You know when you say things a certain way so they don’t get upset.
If all else fails and you just FEEL like something is wrong — then something probably is.
Trust yourself and pay attention to that feeling.
What To Do If Your Girlfriend Is Giving You These Signs
If you notice yourself in some of these situations, don’t automatically assume your relationship is over. Relationships end because people get petty, things are left unsaid, or emotions are pushed aside — NONE of those things are unfixable.
The absolute worst thing you can do is completely ignore ALL of these signs and pretend like nothing is wrong. The best thing you can do if you THINK your girl is showing these signs is to HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH HER.
Nothing will fix your relationship if you don’t know what the problem is.
Take her out, get her alone, and talk to her about it.
Ask her these questions and listen to her answer — NO DEFENSIVE COMMENTS.
You need to know where you stand.
If she’s truly over you, there is nothing you can say or do to change that fact.
But at least you’ll know where you stand and can move on.
If she’s not over you, you’ll know that there is something worth fighting for and you can fix it.
Final Thoughts on this
Pain comes from unknown situations. Not knowing WHY your girlfriend is pushing you away or showing any emotional response is like trying to solve a puzzle with half the pieces missing. You’ll drive yourself crazy if you try. Figure out what is going on. Talk to her about it and see where things stand.
You owe it to both of you to know WHY things are the way they are. If you realized that there are multiple things she’s doing or saying that show she’s over you…Congratulations. Now go do something about it. Trust your instincts, pay attention to her actions, and let the pieces fall where they may.
You deserve to know the truth one way or another.
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