Benjamin Otu EffiwattYou ask your partner for something one time and they outright ignore you. You ask them again a few days later, and they make excuses. Maybe they even put in a little effort, but as soon as you let up, they stop within days.
You’ve begged your partner for things before. You know the struggle of thinking, “There they go again, ignoring my text like I’m bothering them.” Guess what? You’re not bothering them. You’re not asking for too much. If you find yourself begging your S.O. for what any human should be able to give you in a relationship, then you deserve better.
You deserve a partner who shows up when they say they will. You deserve someone who listens to you without having to remind them a million times.
What Begging In A Relationship Looks Like
I know what you’re thinking: Begging? Really? Relationships aren’t always dramatic movies with people screaming at each other.
Begging doesn’t always look like yelling and throwing phones. It doesn’t even always look like tears.
Sometimes begging in a relationship looks like you sending your partner the same text three times trying to get a response. Sometimes begging looks like you mentioning how you feel about something every single time you talk to your partner for months. Sometimes begging looks like hinting and hoping your partner will finally get your hint.
Whatever form your begging takes, recognize that it means your needs are not being prioritized. Period. Begging is draining. It makes you question your worth. And the longer you let it continue, the more you teach yourself that it’s normal to minimize yourself to keep your partner around.
Things You Should Never Have To Beg For
1.Communication
If you have to play ping pong with your partner just to have a conversation, that’s not a difference in communication styles. That’s flat-out disrespect. Both people in a relationship should be fighting to stay connected.
You should never have to beg your partner to text you back, tell you how their day was, or actually have a conversation with you.
2.Respect
Plain and simple.
This includes the way your partner talks to you when they’re angry, the way they treat you in public, and whether or not they take your feelings into consideration.
If you’ve ever had to explain to your partner why calling you a stupid bitch doesn’t help and why making you cry in public is not acceptable behavior, then you are begging them for respect.
3.Consistency
Do you feel like you get the warm fuzzies with your partner one week and then they turn into a completely different person the next? Some people refer to this as the “good cop, bad cop” routine.
If your partner cycles between being super loving, attentive, and romantic one week to cold, distant, and unclear the next — and you’re always wondering which version of them you’re going to wake up to — you are begging them for consistency.
Consistency is key in a relationship. You should not be wondering which version of your partner is going to show up day to day.
4.Emotional Availability
Your partner can be right there next to you on the couch and be miles away emotionally. If every time you open up to your partner about something they shut you down, make you feel guilty for feeling your feelings, or brush them off entirely, you are begging them to be emotionally available.
You deserve a partner who can sit in your feelings with you, not one who makes you feel crazy whenever you try to share how you feel.
5.Time
There’s a difference between spending time together and spending quality time together. If you’re the only one making plans, suggesting things to do, or reaching out to your partner to hang, then you are begging them for time.
You and your partner should both want to spend time with each other. You should both look forward to your date nights or weekend adventures. If it feels like a one-sided effort, it will slowly destroy your relationship over time.
6.Attention
Are you a touchy-feely person or someone who just needs verbal affirmation? Either way, you should never have to ask your partner for hugs, kisses, or to hear the words “I love you.”
I’m not saying you should demand your partner rub your belly whenever you ask (unless that’s your thing, then heck ya). I’m saying that you should never feel like you have to ask for the basic ways your partner can show you they care about you.
7.Transparency
Trust is everything. If you have to question what your partner tells you, constantly wonder if they’re hiding something, or catch your partner in lies multiple times and they still won’t be honest with you, you cannot build a future around distrust.
Asking your partner to give you their word or promising to change should not be a form of begging. You should be able to trust that your partner will be honest with you without having to interrogate them.
8.Effort
Two people are in a relationship. That means two people should be putting effort into that relationship. If you find yourself always making plans, always compromising, and always trying to keep things interesting while your partner just goes through the motions, you are begging them for effort.
You should never feel like you have to drag your partner into the relationship they signed up for. You deserve a partner who makes you feel guilty for not putting in effort (yes, that’s possible).
9.Priority
You do not need your partner to revolve their entire life around you. But you should come before your partner’s friends, hobbies, and favorite television show.
If you constantly come second to everything else and your partner shows zero understanding of how that makes you feel, then congratulations — you are begging them to give you priority in their life.
FAQs
Is it normal to have to ask your partner for things every once in a while?
Of course it’s normal! Your partner will forget about things sometimes, even if they’re important to you. Everyone has a limited brain capacity. What’s not okay is feeling like you have to ask your partner for the same thing a hundred times. A good partner will remember and will put in effort to make sure they don’t forget.
What if my partner just has a different love language than me?
Love languages are real. Once you both identify your love languages, it can help you understand how your partner best gives and receives love. That being said, love language differences aren’t an excuse to never try to meet your partner’s needs. If your partner has a different love language than you, learn each other’s and try to adapt.
How do I know if I’m asking for too much?
Ask yourself: are the things I need from my partner things other people would consider basic relationship standards? Communication, respect, honesty, and effort are not things you should have to ask for. If what you need from your partner are things most people would consider necessities in a relationship, you’re not asking for too much.
Can a relationship fix these problems?
If both people are willing to accept that there is a problem and seek outside help to fix it (couples therapy is great), then yes. Change won’t happen overnight, but with time and effort these problems can be fixed. Again, it takes two people wanting to fix things to actually fix them.
Final Thoughts
No one should have to beg their partner for the bare minimum things you’d expect to receive in a healthy relationship. If you find that you’re constantly having to ask your partner for these 9 things, maybe it’s time to evaluate whether or not they truly care about your happiness.
Leaving is never easy, but nothing worth having ever is either. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you just as much as you want to be with them. You deserve to be with someone who shows up when they say they will and who meets you halfway without you having to drag them there.
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