Benjamin Otu EffiwattOk — hear us out. We know no one likes to discuss this subject, but bear with us. When sex in your marriage starts to lack enthusiasm or passion, it’s easy to blame outside sources. However, what if the problem was literally staring you in the face every night? If you find your husband drifting away or the intimacy between you both slowly dwindling, it may be time to acknowledge your own contributions to the problem.
Don’t worry — we’re not trying to place blame! However, sometimes there are things we don’t realize we’re doing that gradually diminish a man’s drive and libido.
Insider Tip
Sex is the foundation of every healthy marriage. When sex goes, most other things tend to fall like dominoes — emotional connection, communication, friendship, you name it. Plus, men and women look at sex differently. Knowing what you might be doing to subconsciously turn your husband off can help you avoid these things and maintain a healthy and happy marriage.
For Women
We know what you’re thinking: men lose interest too, right? Of course! And we will address the things husbands do to create distance in a future post. But for now, we’re shining the spotlight on the ladies.
Here’s What To Avoid
Whether you realize it or not, there are many little things you might be doing to drive your husband further and further away from intimacy. Sex doesn’t usually become boring or undesirable overnight. It’s typically a gradual buildup of things she said, things she did, and situations that led him to feel unwanted or unimportant.
Continuing with that thought — the great thing is, once you know what you might be doing wrong, these things can be easily remedied!
Behaviors That Kill Desire
1.Being Mentally Checked Out
Think about it. If you’re doing something you’re not fully interested in, you’re likely distracted. You might be scrolling through your phone, staring at the ceiling, or thinking about how you just want him to hurry up and finish so you can pass out. Your husband can sense that energy, and it’s not sexy.
2.Never Initiating Sex
Does your husband always have to be the one to make the first move? Guess what that feels like after a while — rejection. Sure, he might still come over and jump into bed with you when you say yes, but inside he’s hurting. Every once in a while, try reaching for him first.
3.Being Critical
Ever had sex with someone and told them how they could do it better next time? Us neither. If you’re reviewing his technique, thinking about other guys, or criticizing his performance immediately following sex, stop. You’ll kill the mood fast, and he won’t want to try again.
4.Negotiating Sex
Another biggie. Using sex as a reward or a punishment is every husband’s nightmare. Don’t withhold sex when he messes up or offer it like a shiny trophy when he does something you want. It creates an unhealthy power dynamic that will push him away.
5.Being Closed Off To Adventure
We’re not saying you have to become a sex kitten overnight. But if he suggests something new and you shoot it down without discussion or even listening to his perspective, he’s going to assume you’re not interested in keeping things exciting or in pleasing him.
6.Making Him Feel Guilty For Wanting Sex
Whether you say it outright or communicate it through a heavy sigh and tired eyes, the message lands the same way. You’re essentially telling him you feel burdened by the idea of having sex with him, and that’s a huge mood killer.
7.Constant Distractions
Checking your phone before bed, telling him to hurry up because you’re scrolling Instagram, or jumping right up afterward to check on something — these are all signs you’re not really there. When you give him your full attention, you’re telling him that pleasing him and what he feels actually matters to you.
8.Ignoring Your Own Sexuality
This goes back to your energy. If you love yourself, embrace your body, and aren’t afraid to let loose every now and then, your husband will appreciate it. Hiding away, constantly apologizing for your body, or never stepping outside your comfort zone will only create distance between you two.
9.Doing It Out of Duty
Same position, same routine, same energy — on repeat. Routine can be comforting, but too much of it takes the passion out of sex. Try switching things up every now and then, or putting effort into recreating the mood you two had when you first started being intimate together.
10.Not Communicating
You know the saying about assuming? Apply that to sex. If you never tell him what you want, how can he possibly know? You don’t need to send a detailed text every night, but some verbal guidance and honest conversation go a long way.
Final Thoughts
None of this makes you a bad wife. We all slip up and fall back into routines — it’s completely human. But if any of this resonated with you, that’s actually a good thing, because awareness is always the first step toward change. Your marriage is worth the extra effort it takes to show up fully in the bedroom, and so is your husband.
Small shifts in your mindset and how you engage can help you rebuild the intimacy, passion, and closeness you two once had — and maybe even make it better than before.
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