Benjamin Otu EffiwattLet me paint you a picture of begging in a relationship: You begging involves pleading, negotiating, making yourself small enough to become acceptable. It’s declining good boundaries in hopes he’ll stay. If that sounds all too familiar, you’re begging yourself exhausted.
Truth is, there are some things you should never have to launch a campaign for. A smart woman knows this. Some learn it early. Others learn it the hard way. But once a woman understands that begging is accepting less than you deserve, she doesn’t beg anymore. Read through this list and notice how none of these things are ridiculous requests. They’re the baseline. If you find yourself begging for these basics, walk away.
What Does Begging Really Mean Anyway?
You don’t always beg with your knees on the floor and raised voices. Sometimes begging looks like stifled tears and grand ultimatums, sure, but most of the time it’s silent. Begging is the follow-up texts. It’s asking him the same question for the 47th time. It’s pretending to be easygoing enough that he doesn’t feel like he has to work.
Begging is hoping and praying he’ll see your value when you’re already doing everything in your power to reach him. When you find yourself going to great lengths to receive what should be simple, that’s begging, baby.
Why Women Allow Themselves to Beg
Most women who find themselves in a place of begging are not weak or naive. Oftentimes they are the opposite: loving, patient, and overly invested. We beg because we fell into it slowly. The relationship was great at first, so we cling to those sparks and promise him more of them if he gives us what we want.
We begin to convince ourselves that if we just love him more, if we just give him more grace, if we just prove to him that we really can understand his perspective — he’ll come around. But try as you might, you can’t force someone to show up for you. A smart woman knows the difference between a relationship and a man you’re running yourself ragged to keep minimally interested.
Respect
Posting Instagram stories about how you can’t believe you have to ask your man to be respectful is not fighting for your peace. Respect is not something you have to earn in a relationship. It’s the foundation of why you two became a thing in the first place.
If you regularly have to ask him not to say or do certain things, or request that he please be kind with his words, you’re not dealing with a communication issue. You are dealing with someone you need to stop allowing in your life.
Emotional Support
You shouldn’t have to ask him to care about your feelings. If he truly values you as his partner, he wants to know what’s going on in your mind and heart, even when what you have to say is inconvenient for him. Excusing a man’s emotional disengagement as “that’s just how men are” is choosing to allow him to stay. There are plenty of emotionally available men out there.
They’re just emotionally available with the women they actually care about. Stop doing the deep work to better yourself for someone who sees that effort as a chore.
Attention
The hot-and-cold game is one of the craziest tricks played on women in the dating pool. He cares one week, picks up all your calls, and showers you with attention. The next he acts like he doesn’t know why you bothered to reach out because he’s suddenly too busy. Here’s the thing: you shouldn’t have to chase someone to get them to care about you on a basic level.
Once a woman realizes she’s accepting this treatment, she stops chasing the man who shows up once every blue moon and starts requiring the man who shows up when he says he will.
Communication
“I just want him to be honest with me!” Notice how you never have to beg for his side of the story? He’ll tell you that every time, whether or not it hurts your feelings. If you have to beg for a straightforward answer about where you stand, you already know he won’t give you one.
An unwilling participant will find every excuse not to clear the air, every reason why “it’s complicated,” and every vague answer to avoid telling you the truth. A smart woman stops making excuses for his lack of communication and starts using that energy to speak up for herself.
His Time
Being a priority doesn’t mean you get to live in his pockets 24/7. Asking a man to make time for you means asking to be important enough that his schedule gets rearranged when it matters. If you have to send 15 reminders before you get a response, put your phone down and stop congratulating yourself for getting his attention back.
Someone who wants to be with you will want to be with you. Simple as that.
An Answer
Honestly. You deserve to know where you stand. Gone are the days of dating someone for months, years even, and never being certain if you were a girlfriend, a situationship, or just a placeholder. If he wants to be with you, he will tell you clearly and without games. Ask once. A man with intentions will be straightforward with you. He won’t give you the runaround or make you guess where you stand. His answer is either yes or no. A smart woman hears those two answers and accepts them. If it’s no, she nods and marches onward. If it’s yes, congratulations — you can stop reading this article now.
Wrap Up
No woman should ever feel guilty for wanting better. You deserve more than someone you have to claw and scrape at just to receive lukewarm attention from. Begging isn’t cute, and you aren’t at your best when you beg. As soon as you start crying, lowering your standards, or dipping below what you know you deserve to keep a man — it’s time to let that man go.
A smart woman doesn’t become whatever it takes to keep a man interested in her. She decides what she wants and lets the right man woo her until he earns her.
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