Benjamin Otu EffiwattSo you like this guy, but you just can’t figure out where you stand. You replay conversations in your head. You overanalyze his texts. You convince yourself you two are going somewhere great, only to feel frustrated all over again. Girl, I know. I’ve been there too, and it’s soooooo aggravating to constantly question yourself when the answer is usually pretty obvious.
The reality is that if a guy wants to be with you, he will. He won’t leave you guessing or wondering. He won’t string you along for months and months without any definite answer. If you’re questioning whether or not he wants a relationship with you, below are some signs he doesn’t want a relationship that may help you realize where you two stand.
He Avoids Discussing the Future
If a man can picture a future with you, he’s going to bring you up in conversation. He’ll make plans to visit you. Talk about his weekend with you weeks in advance, like you’ll obviously be there. But if he doesn’t want a relationship, he won’t talk about anything that goes past today or this week. He dodges questions about what you two are, where things are going, or if he sees a future with you. He’ll laugh it off, change the subject, or give you some weird answer that means everything and nothing at the same time.
It’s not subconscious. He’s doing it on purpose to avoid labeling what you two have. If every time you try to have a meaningful conversation about where things are going he suddenly turns slippery or avoids you altogether, take notice.
He Only Comes Around When He Wants To
Boy, do I know about this one. When a guy truly wants to be with you, he makes it happen. He shows up. It doesn’t matter if he’s busy or not — if he says he’ll call and doesn’t, or if he only seems to reach out when it’s convenient for him, that’s a problem. If he mostly contacts you on weekends, late nights when he knows you’re already in bed, or when he’s drunk and bored — he’s telling you he views you as an option, not his priority.
He likes you as a friend with benefits or a nice companion to have around when it’s easy. It hurts to realize this, but a man who wants you will make you a part of his life. He won’t just magically reappear when it’s convenient for him to do so.
1.He Hasn’t Introduced You to His Friends or Family
Sure, some people are just naturally more private than others. But if you’ve been spending time with someone and you still haven’t been introduced to anyone important in his life, that’s major. This doesn’t mean he needs to meet your entire friend group or family tree. If you two have been hanging out for months on end and he still hasn’t mentioned you to a single friend, coworker, or family member — he doesn’t see a future with you.
2.There’s Physical Attraction But No Real Emotion
I get it. Chemistry is a real thing. You can meet someone and instantly click in that department. But if the two of you never really talk on a deeper level, haven’t exchanged any real feelings or fears, or if it feels like he’s never going to let you “get inside his shell” — yet you still have sex — there’s a reason. Men who want a relationship with you will want to get to know you. They’ll ask you questions about yourself, tell you about themselves, and make an effort to take things deeper than sexual chemistry.
3.He Pulls Away When You Get Too Attached
Notice how every time you two start moving forward, he suddenly pulls away like you scared him off? Maybe you had a good conversation and got close. You went on a really nice date. You hung out and had yourself a good ol’ girls’ night. Then he shrinks away. This is one of those not-so-subtle signs he doesn’t want a relationship, because guys like this go from warm and friendly to cold AF once you start getting close. When a man is playing the no-relationship game, he’s loving all of the perks of being with you without having to commit.
4.He Said He Doesn’t Want A Relationship
Ugh, men. Why do they have to make it so difficult? Here he is telling you straight up that he’s not looking for a relationship, isn’t doing labels, just wants to keep things casual, or isn’t ready for anything serious. And yet you still sit around hoping he’ll change his mind. Let’s be real. You know exactly what he’s saying when he says that he wants to take things slow or isn’t looking for anything serious. He’s telling you he’s not interested in a relationship. Plain and simple.
5.He Doesn’t Make Any Effort to Fix Things When You Fight
Arguments and fights are part of every relationship. But a man who cares about you won’t just ghost you or shut down whenever you two have a disagreement. He won’t blow you off and then expect everything to be okay between the two of you. If he gets defensive, goes silent on you, or doesn’t even apologize after hurting your feelings, he’s showing you that he doesn’t give a damn about how you feel.
6.You Never Feel Secure With Him
Sometimes your instincts are right. If every time you spend time with this guy you feel on edge, constantly questioning whether he likes you or if he’s going to text you back, that anxious feeling you have is the real sign. When someone wants to be with you, you know it. You feel safe. You feel secure. You shouldn’t have to question his every move, put on a show to keep his interest, or constantly worry that you did something wrong every time he ignores your texts.
7.He Likes to Keep You at Arm’s Length
If a guy truly wants to be with you, he wants you integrated into his life. He wants you around his friends. He wants you to hang out with his family. He tells you about his issues and expects you to be there for him when he needs you.
When a man wants to keep you as just a friend, everything you two do stays the same. He likes to text you, but he won’t make plans. He makes plans, but he’s always canceling. He’ll spend time with you but avoids topics that would grow your relationship.
8.He Regularly Ignores Your Feelings
When a man cares about you, he cares when you’re upset. He texts you to see how you’re doing when you haven’t talked in a few days. He listens when you talk about your feelings, and he takes you seriously, even when what you’re feeling might seem silly.
If he regularly shrugs off your feelings, gets defensive when you tell him you’re hurt, or accuses you of being “too sensitive” every time you have an emotional reaction to something he’s said or done — he wants nothing to do with your inner world.
FAQs
-Can he eventually change his mind about wanting a relationship with me?
Sure, he can change his mind. But why sit around waiting for a guy to want to be with you when there are plenty of men out there who will? Don’t waste your time hoping he ends up wanting the things you want.
-What if he just wants to take things slow?
Taking things slow is fine, but him wanting to take things slow should be accompanied by some sort of effort on his part. If he says he just needs some time to figure things out, great. But he should still call you. He should still text you. He should still see you consistently.
-Is it possible he just wants a relationship but is scared to commit?
Sure, that’s possible. But guys who want to be with you but are scared to commit will usually communicate that to you. They’ll be upfront about it and want to work through it with you. Know the difference between someone who’s working through commitment issues and someone who just doesn’t want you.
-How do I ask him if he wants to be with me without scaring him off?
You don’t. Just come right out and tell him that you like him and see where he stands. If he tells you he wants to be with you too, great! If he tells you he doesn’t want a relationship, believe him. There’s nothing worse than trying to convince a man you want something he simply doesn’t.
Final Thoughts
I hate telling you some of these signs he doesn’t want a relationship because I know how much you like this guy. But you’ve been ignoring obvious red flags for long enough. It’s time to accept what’s in front of you and stop hoping he’s the exception to every dating rule in the book.
You deserve a man who shows up, clearly and consistently. You don’t deserve someone who leaves you questioning his every move or wondering where you stand. Clarity is better than confusion and settling every time, even if the truth sucks.
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