Benjamin Otu EffiwattMen will do plenty of relationship damage that women wish they could forgive… and believe me, I’ll get to some of those in a future post. But today we’re flipping that idea on its head.
Sometimes women do things that destroy a man’s respect, love, or desire to stay in the relationship. But because we women can’t necessarily talk about those things openly (for fear of inviting the world to hate men), they aren’t discussed… until now.
These are NOT little mistakes or crimes that can be washed away with a heartfelt apology. These are offenses that men may hold on to for YEARS after breaking up with you. And some are ones that slowly destroy a man’s love for you WHILE you’re dating, even if he doesn’t completely break up with you.
Why Men Pull Away – And When They Don’t Come Back
Women are biologically wired to talk through their problems. Emotionally hurt us, and we want to discuss it. Process it. Move on. Men are just the opposite.
While women are talking about how they feel, men are bottling it up. Especially when it comes to being hurt by the woman they love. They will say nothing to your face, but stash it away in that mental folder we all have.
Then one day, they hit that threshold. It could be because you stabbed him in the same emotional place too many times. Maybe he can’t forgive that one particular thing you did or said because it was just too painful. Whatever the reason, all of a sudden he completely disconnects from you.
It doesn’t always end with a huge blowout or screamfest. There’s no dramatic breakup conversation where he laid it all out for you. You just may wake up one day and realize he’s gone… emotionally.
9 Things Most Men Say They Cannot Forgive Women For…
Keep in mind that no one is perfect. No relationship is perfect. No one never says or does anything they regret in a relationship. These aren’t little mistakes that can be apologized for and forgotten. Once a man checks these boxes in his mind, it’s pretty much game over.
1.Public Humiliation
Ridiculing your man in front of others can go beyond just teasing him (though trust me, constant teasing can ruin your relationship too). Laughing at him when he loses the joke around friends, posting his failures online for the world to laugh at, or making him feel stupid when he says something “wrong” in front of your family… anything that makes other people join in on making your partner feel worthless or inadequate will keep him feeling wounded long after the incident.
2.Cheating
Guys, I know this one is painful to hear, but cheating is something most men WILL NEVER forgive. Understand that it destroys the trust he had for you. But it also destroys his ego in a way that sticks with him for a long time. Some guys will choose to stay no matter how much you cheated. But trust me… he will never forget it. Ever. Those mental images haunt him every time he wonders why you cheated in the first place.
Playing the victim when you cheated IS the worst thing you can do after cheating.
3.He Knows What He Did
There’s something about knowing you hurt the person you love that makes men want to wear their mistakes on their sleeve. It’s not egotism or trying to garner sympathy. They do it because it breaks their hearts that they screwed up so badly.
So when you throw guilt trips in his face about how he “made you cheat” or “destroyed your self-confidence” by not pleasing you enough in bed, it hurts him more than you’ll ever realize. Guys who get emotionally cheated on may never trust a woman again.
4.Making Fun of His Efforts to Change
Men rarely open up about their insecurities or past mistakes. When he finally does share something like that with you, it takes guts. So when you laugh at him for trying to do better, or tell him he’s foolish for thinking he “needs to change,” it doesn’t just hurt his feelings. It shatters the trust he had for you — that you were someone he could be vulnerable with.
5.Disrespecting Him by Pretending to Make Fun
Look, we all know someone who does this to their partner. Constantly ripping them down by insulting them, “jokingly” calling them names, or making passive-aggressive comments to try and hurt their feelings. If you’re the girl who does this to your man to “let him know you’re not afraid,” please stop.
Every time you say “haha I was just kidding” after crushing his spirit, it teaches him to feel less and less about dating you.
6.The Big Lie
The truth has a way of coming to light. And when your partner catches you in a web of lies about something significant, it makes him question everything else you’ve ever told him.
Lying destroys trust. And once trust is broken, he will spend the rest of your relationship questioning what else you might be lying about. Men who know their girlfriends or wives lied about something significant — affairs, cheating, finances, etc. — will never see you the same way again.
7.Playing Games by Threatening to Leave
Don’t give your boyfriend an ultimatum every time he disagrees with you. “If you say that one more time, I’m done!” “Maybe we should just break up.” Stop telling your partner you want to leave every time he frustrates you.
You’re emotionally manipulating him into feeling guilty for having a differing opinion than you. Relationship advice from my grandma: if you say you’re going to do something enough, eventually you’ll actually have to follow through and DO IT.
8.Trying to Control Him
Men like their freedom. They need time with their guy friends. They need their hobbies. They need their space. And they need to feel like they can trust you NOT to try to control every aspect of their life.
9.Threatening Him or His Family
You should NEVER EVER threaten your partner or his family. Ever. Don’t say it, don’t think it, don’t threaten to hurt his children or family members if he dares to disagree with you one time too many.
You are better than this. If you feel yourself getting angry and unable to control your emotions, remove yourself from the situation until you can calmly discuss things. You do not threaten anyone in your life when you’re upset.
BONUS
Making Him Feel Like He Will Never Be Good Enough
This is another big one that women don’t often see because we don’t mean for it to happen. We all want the best for our partners. But consistently reminding your partner of all the things he’s not doing to make you happy will wear him down mentally. Men want to make you happy and provide for you. They want to feel needed and wanted.
But if you’re making him feel like he can never do enough or be enough… he’ll stop trying.
Bad-Mouthing His Friends and Family
This almost goes without saying, but if you have a problem with his mother, you better figure it out — or end things before you get too serious. Turning his loved ones against him will destroy his heart. Women who weaponize their partners’ friends and family will forever damage those relationships — even if you decide to reconcile.
Most men will never trust a woman who attempts to turn their friends and family against them. Period.
Final Thoughts
Remember that just because a man can’t forgive you for doing something DOES NOT mean you targeted that behavior and went out of your way to hurt him.
Sometimes life happens and people say things they don’t mean. Sometimes people who love you make mistakes that hurt the people they love the most. But just because you didn’t mean to do something that broke your partner’s trust…
It doesn’t mean that he will forgive you.
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