Benjamin Otu EffiwattAre you wondering what it takes to get a guy to fall head over heels in love with you? Not attraction hooks — REAL love. Thing is, being your guy’s dream girl doesn’t mean being picture perfect (because let’s face it, no one is) and it doesn’t mean changing who you are to please someone else. It means showing up as your best self and bringing good energy to the relationship.
And guess what?
A lot of it is within your control. These are NOT games. These are NOT manipulative behaviors. These are qualities that every woman should have so that she can be her guy’s dream woman in the most real way possible.
What Guys REALLY Want In A Woman
Ok so first of all, let’s define dream woman, shall we? Because let’s be real, a lot of guys have no idea what that actually is when it comes to a healthy relationship. Most guys aren’t searching for some superwoman who agrees with everything they say or who has no needs of her own.
What guys really want? A happy, warm, secure woman.
It’s that simple. When you show up for a relationship being secure in who you are and happy with your life, you allow a relationship to unfold where both parties feel good. There’s no trying to change each other because you both LIKE who the other person is. And when you both like each other? You naturally stay together.
Trying Hard vs Showing Up Well
You know the difference between going hard trying to be someone’s girlfriend and actually showing up well for them and the relationship? Guys can tell when you’re clawing your way into their lives out of desperation versus when you’re investing in yourself and the relationship because you want to.
Trying hard to be someone’s girlfriend is fueled by insecurity. Acting like you don’t care while you secretly scramble to not lose them.
Showing up well for your boyfriend comes from a place of security. You take care of yourself, you show up for him, and you build something because you want to, not because you think you need to.
Below, I touch on how to show up well for your man and your relationship.
Be Her Own Person
Seriously. Nothing screams sexier than a girl who has her shit together. Friends, goals, hobbies, passions. Whatever it is that you love to do, make sure you continue those things when you enter a relationship. Don’t put your life on hold for a guy and he’ll never feel like he’s competing with your girlfriends every time he talks to you.
A good man wants to take a good woman with him on his journey. He doesn’t want you to rely on him for your own happiness.
Make Him Feel Sexy Around You
Does he feel good when he’s hanging out with you? You should make him feel wanted and handsome when you’re together. Yes, there will be days when you fight and days when things aren’t rainbows and butterflies, but overall he should feel better when he’s around you, not worse.
Have fun when you’re together. Laugh. Point things out that you think are cute. Feel good around each other and he’ll always feel like coming back for more.
Ask About Things He Likes
He doesn’t have to like everything you like and you don’t have to like everything he likes, but please show interest in things that make him happy. Ask him about what he loves, follow up on things he’s told you before, and generally care about what interests him.
When people feel like the other person actually cares about what they have to say, it not only builds a stronger connection, but they feel understood — and that’s what matters.
Communicate LIKE AN ADULT
Communication is key in any relationship, but do you know what is REALLY hard to come by? A woman who can communicate her feelings, needs, and issues in a calm way that doesn’t detract from the issue at hand.
If he brings something up, don’t be defensive and rant about how he’s never satisfied (we’ve all been there)… COMPOSE YOURSELF and THEN talk to him about it. If you need something from him, STATE YOUR CASE. Don’t beat around the bush or scream about it later.
Practice having hard conversations and communicating with love and respect, and he’ll notice that you’re an adult who knows how to treat him.
Value Yourself
Look, if you don’t value yourself then why should he? Have standards. If something bothers you, SAY something. Don’t just allow people to walk all over you to keep someone happy. Real men respect women who value and respect themselves, and guys who can’t handle that — well, they aren’t that into you anyway.
Be Present
Get off your phone when you’re talking to him. Listen to him when he talks to you. Hear him when he opens up to you. L-I-S-T-E-N to your boyfriend and be present when you’re hanging out with him.
We live in a world full of distractions, and sometimes guys just want to know that you care enough to give them your undivided attention when you’re spending time with them.
Give Off Warmth and Affection
This kind of goes hand in hand with number six, but men like to feel loved just as much as we do. Give him hugs, tell him you like the way he talks about his day, check in on him when he’s had a bad day. Showing your boyfriend affection is far from weakness — it’s actually powerful.
Building a safe and warm environment for your partner is one of the best ways to keep them, and it’s what will take your relationship from casual dating to, hmm, maybe we should take this serious.
Continue To Grow As A Person
I cannot stress how important this is! If you want your man to fall in love with you AND stay in love with you, you have to always be growing as a person.
What does that mean? Never become bored or comfortable in the relationship because you’re always learning new things about yourself. Read more, listen to podcasts that expand your mind, journal, go to therapy, and WORK ON YOURSELF.
Your man will fall in love with you even more when you’re the best version of you.
Bonus: Final Thoughts
Want to be his dream girl? Be YOUR dream girl. When you show up as the best, happiest, and most secure version of yourself, you’ll attract the right guy who will adore those things about you and show up the same way right back at you.
Don’t change who you are to please someone else. Show up as YOUR best self and date someone who is just as grateful you did every single day.
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