Benjamin Otu EffiwattAll of us women have wondered at some point — maybe for years — if we’re supposed to be single. You know the question: Is this just a season, or is this my life? Being single can feel exhausting. Everything around you tells you that there should be someone. Then you open Facebook and all your friends are getting engaged or buying houses with their significant others. It’s like watching life settle onto other people from the outside of a window.
But what if being single isn’t your layover? What if it’s your final destination?
Okay, hear me out before you click away. I promise this isn’t going to be all rainbows and unicorn dust. I want to talk to you about the signs God might genuinely want you to be single FOREVER.
What Does It Mean to Be “Called” to Singleness?
Okay, before we jump into it, let me address the elephant in the room. If you’re “called” to singleness, it doesn’t mean you’re broken, undesirable, or damaged goods. In many religious beliefs, singleness is actually considered a gift. Those who are called to live a single life can often do the work they were meant to do without the constraints that marriage can impose on someone.
Paul even talked about singleness being a gift that allows you to wholly devote yourself to God and your purpose.
If you’ve ever felt truly called to your faith or your purpose in life to the point that being in a relationship would feel like a distraction from that calling, you’re not alone. And it’s not bad — it’s just different.
So how do you know if you’re one of the women who was meant to be single?
The difference between someone who was born to be single and someone who is just in a long season of singleness is slight, but it shows up in consistent patterns. Let’s take a look at some of those signs.
1.You Feel Complete Without Anyone Else
Yeah, you read that right. I know that most single people are sitting somewhere on the spectrum of loneliness. But what if your baseline is actually contentment? What if you feel whole when you’re alone, instead of like half of something that’s missing its counterpart?
Contentment isn’t something most singles have to fake. When you’re at peace with being single, it just… is. There’s no cloud of convincing or force attached to it.
2.Relationships Always Seem to Derail Your Goals
Take a look at your relationship history. When you’re with someone, do you feel like yourself, or less than yourself? Are you moving toward your purpose, or running away from it?
I’m not saying that relationships are bad if they don’t line up with your goals. But if you find that every relationship ends because your partner’s values and goals don’t align with yours, that says something.
3.You Have Purposework That Demands Your Whole Attention
Do you have something in your life that you were literally born to do? Some ministries and workplaces require you to give them your whole heart. If that’s the case for you, being single might allow you to serve your purpose without distraction.
4.You Never Had the Urge to Get Married
There is a difference between wanting to find the right person and wanting to get married. If you look into your heart and you’ve never felt the desire to marry anyone, that’s significant. Not every woman is wired for marriage, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
5.God Continually Leads You Back to Peace When You Pray About Relationships
When you pray about your relationships — or lack thereof — do you feel at peace? I’m not talking about fake calm-for-the-sake-of-moving-on peace. Real, sincere peace that lets you know you’re on the right track.
6.You Flourish When You Have No Strings Attached
There are a lot of independent people out there. And I don’t mean that you’re selfish (although you could be, lol). Some of us actually run on a higher level when we’re not answering to anyone else.
If being in relationships has always required you to sacrifice core parts of yourself to meet your partner’s needs, that’s okay! It doesn’t have to be your default just because society says it should be.
7.Every Partner You’ve Had Hits a Freaking Wall
You date someone seriously. Things are going well, and then out of nowhere, your partner hits a wall. They don’t want to get married, move in together, take things to the next level, etc. You’ve been there before, but you just can’t quite place why it keeps happening to you.
If you find yourself in relationships that just seem to stagnate and you’re confused about why, imagine if it’s not them — it’s you. Imagine if your purpose needs you to stay single.
8.Relationships Take You Out of Your Faith, Not Into It
Listen, if you’re one of the women who prays more, loves more fiercely, and follows God more closely when you’re single than when you’re in a relationship, that’s likely not a coincidence.
9.You Were Born to Foster Other Relationships
Here’s the cool part about being single: it gives you the opportunity to foster other relationships — whether that be with your friends, family, mentors, mentees, or whoever!
If you’re the type of person who builds a village of strong partnerships around you, those friendships might just be another calling.
10.God Has Granted You Peace About Being Single
This is going to sound crazy, but bear with me. If you’ve prayed about your relationship status and God has given you peace about being single — if you don’t feel anxious that you’re supposed to be married someday and you just feel… fine about it — take that feeling seriously.
God doesn’t withhold good gifts from us. If you never have the burning desire to be married and you feel at peace with being single, maybe that’s because your forever plan is being single.
YOU DESERVE LOVE WHETHER THAT INCLUDES A SIGNIFICANT OTHER OR NOT
Please trust me when I say this life is possible. I know what it’s like to look at happy couple after happy couple and wonder where you fit in the grand scheme of life. I promise you there is something for you on the other side of this.
If you’ve read this far, I want you to know that you’re enough. You don’t have to force something into your life that isn’t there. Stop worrying about “the one that got away” and start looking forward to who your life is preparing you to meet.
And if that person is no one, that’s okay too. You’re still beautifully and wonderfully made — whether you’re single or not.
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