Benjamin Otu EffiwattEvery person I know who dates has had some experience with situationships. Almost-relationships. Connections that we believed were important at the time but never really went anywhere. And I think that’s just part of modern dating.
It’s easy to confuse yourself sometimes. To spend weeks or months with someone without ever really talking through where you both stand. To wonder whether you’re actually in a relationship or if you’re just fooling yourself into thinking you’re in one.
What Makes a Relationship “Serious” in The First Place?
Before we jump into some signs that you are in a serious relationship, I think it’s important that we pause for a minute and actually define what “serious” means.
Contrary to popular belief, being in a serious relationship is not about how much time you spend with someone. You can be with someone for years and never actually be in a serious relationship. There are tons of people in emotionally stagnant relationships simply because no one said, “this isn’t working, so let’s not do this anymore.”
1.You Have Had Conversations About the Future — and They Feel Natural
Do you and your partner talk about the future? And I mean the real future — not just the “what are you doing tomorrow” version. Do you find yourselves making plans for next month or next year, and do those conversations feel natural?
Thinking about the future with someone means you see them in your life long-term. It means you can’t imagine where you’ll be without them.
If you’ve talked about the future with your partner and it didn’t scare them away — congratulations! That’s a big sign that they feel the same way about you.
2.You Are Integrated Into Each Other’s Lives
As I mentioned above, new relationships tend to be pretty surface-level. Both people put their best foot forward and don’t really share their lives intimately at first.
But when you click with someone, get to know each other well, and start spending more time together, you naturally become integrated into each other’s lives. You know their schedule, they know yours. You have each other’s phone numbers memorized. You know what groceries they buy. You spend holidays together. You get the idea.
If you find yourself feeling like you know your partner’s life inside and out, and they know yours, that is a great sign that you’re in a serious relationship.
3.Conflict Leads to Resolution, Not Distance
Relationships are hard. But healthy, serious relationships handle conflict better. Instead of allowing arguments to create distance between you two, you both work to resolve them.
Couples who don’t know where they stand are afraid to engage with each other on a deeper level. They hold back so they don’t get too disappointed if things don’t work out.
But when you’re in a serious relationship, you are both secure enough in your commitment that you can have tough conversations without fear of the other person running away.
4.There Is No Question About Where You Stand
This should go without saying, but in a serious relationship, you both know you’re in a relationship. You don’t feel like you have to test your partner by saying the word “relationship” out loud. You don’t feel like you have to question whether every text they send means they’re losing interest.
In a serious relationship, you both understand what you have and have talked about it. There’s no confusion between you two because you both want to be there. It’s as simple as that.
5.You Both Make Sacrifices Without Keeping Score
In a serious relationship, you and your partner are always going to be making sacrifices for each other. Maybe you had to give up some sleep last night to take care of your partner when they were feeling under the weather. Or perhaps you spent less on groceries so your partner could have money to buy the gaming monitor they’ve been wanting. You make sacrifices for each other — small ones every now and then — and your partner does the same for you.
Neither of you are keeping score. If you love each other and are in a serious relationship, these little sacrifices don’t bother you. You know that as long as you’re both in this together, the scales will even out.
6.Your Values and Goals Align — or You Are Actively Trying to Make Them Align
Trust me, I know it’s cliché to talk about “life goals” and “values.” But hear me out.
When you’re with someone long-term, you both have to pretty much agree on where you see your lives going, or at least be willing to work toward that common ground.
If you and your partner have discussed your values and future goals and find that you align — or are willing to work on becoming more compatible — then you know you’re in a serious relationship.
Closing Thoughts
The tricky thing about modern dating is that nobody really wants to say when things are just casual. It’s all about leaving things open-ended nowadays.
But if you know what you’re looking for, you can spot the difference between someone who is playing around and someone who wants to be serious. Go back to the signs I mentioned above and ask yourself if you and your partner fit that description.
If they do, congratulations. If they don’t, that’s okay too. At least you know where you stand. You deserve to be with someone who isn’t afraid to say they want to be in a relationship with you.
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