Benjamin Otu EffiwattYou know those times when you feel like something’s wrong but you can’t put your finger on what? When your partner just doesn’t seem… proud to be with you? Oh girl, I know. There’s nothing worse than being with someone you care about and wondering if they feel the same way about you.
Embarrassment doesn’t happen in one big moment that you can point to — it happens slowly, through little patterns and habits that gradually make you question your worth. So if you’re wondering if your boyfriend is embarrassed by you, here are eight surefire signs that he is.
Why Men Can Feel Embarrassed By Their Partners
Let’s start with why men do this, so you have some context for the signs ahead. Men can feel embarrassed by their partners for reasons that have nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
Maybe he cares way too much about what his friends think. Maybe he wants his family’s approval but knows they won’t give it. Maybe he’s embarrassed to even be seen with you, let alone introduce you to anyone important in his life.
Alternatively, maybe you two are too incompatible for him to admit it. Maybe his friends wouldn’t like you. Maybe you two live completely different lifestyles. Either way, he projects his own issues onto you by making you feel like you’re the one with the problem.
Whatever the reason, the result is the same: You feel invisible to him. You feel minimized by him. You feel like his secret that he’s ashamed to share with the rest of his life.
Understanding where his behavior is coming from can help you decide how to approach him about it. If you know he’s capable of changing his mindset but is just choosing not to, that’ll affect what you say to him. (Same goes if he’s willfully ignorant but not incapable of changing.)
1.Privacy vs. Embarrassment
There is such a thing as a private man, and it’s important to recognize the difference between that and a man who is embarrassed to be with you. A private man will keep the same things about himself limited from public eyes whether it involves you or not. An embarrassed partner will only hide you.
If he posts pictures of his car but never of the two of you together. If he posts selfies from the gym but never ones of the two of you. If he posts stories of literally everywhere he goes but you are nowhere to be found — that’s a pattern.
Again, everyone has a different relationship with social media. But if he freely posts other things in his life and you are deliberately excluded from what he shares… that’s on him.
2.He Avoids Introducing You to His Friends and Family
Have you met his friends? His family? If you’ve been dating for any length of time and he still hasn’t introduced you to the people that matter to him, ask yourself why. There’s a reason he hasn’t taken that step.
I’m sure he has excuses — oh, believe me, he does. “They don’t live here.” “We don’t hang out that much.” “We’ll meet them when the time is right.” Sound familiar?
Incompatible? Sure. Excuses? Absolutely. But if you’re past the “new relationship” stage and he still hasn’t introduced you to his world, he’s giving you a reason not to be in it.
3.He Acts Differently When You’re Around Other People
Things are great one-on-one, but as soon as you’re around people he knows — loved ones, coworkers, whoever — he turns into a completely different boyfriend.
He shuts down and gets quieter around you. He starts talking down to you or treating you like a casual hookup instead of his girlfriend. I’ve had more than one boyfriend whose “version 2.0” came out when we were around his friends.
It hurts, because it shows you exactly how he views you. Enough to hang out with privately, but not enough that he wants to broadcast it to everyone else.
4.He Makes Backhanded Comments About You in Social Settings
This ties into the above, but pay attention to how he talks to you around other people. Does he make jokes at your expense? Does he undercut you or embarrass you with backhanded “jokes”? This kind of subtle behavior is often how embarrassment manifests in social settings.
Does he turn into Superman for the parts of his life that don’t include you, but completely forget you exist when you’re somewhere he deems “important”?
5.He Completely Avoids Certain Social Situations With You Around
You aren’t invited to things where his friends are involved. He “forgets to tell you” about things until after they’ve already happened. He tries to talk you out of coming to events where he knows his friends will be.
I’m sure he has reasons — trust me, I know. But if he’s constantly making excuses to keep you away from his friend group, he’s sending you a message.
6.He Doesn’t Comfortably Accept You as You Are Around Other People
Do you feel like you have to hold back around him? Like you can’t let your full self come out when his friends, family, or coworkers are around? If you’ve found yourself editing who you are just to make him feel more comfortable, take note.
I’m talking laughing too loud, looking too quirky, dressing too aggressively, speaking your mind, taking up too much space — you fill in the blank.
You don’t have to change who you are to make your partner love you. But if you feel like you can’t be your authentic self around him… that’s a red flag.
7.He Never Seems to Defend You
How does he react when someone insults you, says something demeaning, or blatantly ignores you in his presence? If he laughs it off, brushes it aside, or simply doesn’t say anything, that says volumes about how he views you.
You’re his partner, which means he should act like it. You don’t need him to go full attack mode on someone who snubs you, but he should at least speak up.
Small signs of affection matter. His little reactions to your everyday interactions with others tell you how he feels about you. If he doesn’t defend you or speak up for you, he doesn’t see you as someone worth fighting for.
8.Your Instincts Have Kicked In and They Don’t Like What They’re Seeing
I saved this one for last because I honestly think it matters more than people realize. If you’ve been feeling off about him but couldn’t quite put your finger on it until now, listen to your gut.
Does hanging out with him make you feel small? Invisible? Do you constantly question whether things are going well between you two because you can’t seem to get a straight answer?
Your instinct isn’t overreacting. Your instinct is listening. When you can’t quite put your finger on what feels off, it’s probably because the signs are small.
Conclusion
Dealing with a partner who is embarrassed by you is a toxic, soul-crushing experience. It’s not like cheating or something you can point to and scream about — it’s subtle.
Small indications that you’re “too much” or he “just doesn’t know how to explain it” creep into your relationship until you start questioning yourself rather than him. But those signs are there for a reason. If you feel drawn to this article, or any combination of the above apply to you, it’s time to have a talk.
Time to see what he says, how he says it, and whether he’s willing to meet you halfway. You deserve someone who is proud to introduce you to their loved ones, not scared. You deserve someone who would lose their mind if you two ever broke up. You deserve someone who fights for you both in private and in public.
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